An Unexpected Journey to an Alternate Universe
by ParumLuter
Summary: Post AUJ. Modern AU. When Bilbo storms off on a hot day, Gandalf sends him to an alternate universe, where he is turned into a teenager in a boarding school in New Zealand. But where are the other members of the Company? With him, but they don't remember who he is... Bilbo must relive the situations he was in before, but in a modern day scene. DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING
1. Chapter 1

**Here's the new story I promised (I think) :)**

* * *

Bilbo felt sick.

Sick of this quest.

Sick of running for his life

Sick of risking his life.

Sick of…dwarves.

It was the morning after the eagles had deposited them on the large rock shaped like a bear. They had made their way down the steep slope, and set up camp at the foot of the rock.

Since saving his life, Thorin had been especially kind to him, not like the usual, grumpy self Bilbo had to put up with every time he was around. He had even given him a hug! Hugs were a sign of affection and deep friendship in the Shire.

But apparently, they were signs of affection in Ered Luin as well.

When they had hugged, he heard a couple of dwarves gasping. Fili and Kili were sniggering behind their hands, as Gandalf watched with an amused twinkle in his eye. He wanted to turn around and irritably tell them off, but he decided at the last moment it would've probably have been no use.

He had woken up quite late this morning. The sun bore down on him. He was feeling quite heated, and his head felt unusually tight.

When he picked his way through the busy dwarves to get to Bombur's breakfast stew, he noticed the dwarves giving him looks. Every now and then, he heard a soft titter.

_Really?_ He thought impatiently. _Can't they get over the fact that their leader just hugged their burglar? _He thought about it himself for a moment.

_Probably not,_ he decided. _Even I would've found it strange_.

Still, the looks and the quiet laughs did not stop. Everywhere he went, he would receive a bizarre look. He couldn't take it anymore. He marched up to Thorin, who was brooding on a small rock.

"What is happening?" he demanded. "Why is it that everywhere I go, I am receiving peculiar looks as if I've sprouted rabbit ears!"

He could see that Thorin was trying to fight back laughter. _Not him too!_ "I'd suggest you go down to the river." He pointed into the trees. "It's not far from here."

With that answer, Bilbo turned on his heel and strode into the direction where Thorin was pointing.

_I'll see what all the fuss is about,_ he thought angrily. _And I'll end it once and for all!_ He peered down into the river, and got the fright of his life.

_My hair,_ he thought. _My beautiful hair_.

Someone, while he slept, had tightly braided his hair so that it was stretched against his head. He held his hand up and ran his finger along the bumpy surface of the braid. _How did I not feel this as I slept?_

He ran back to the camp. The dwarves looked up as he burst through the trees, panting. He jabbed an angry finger at his hair.

"Who did this!?" he demanded furiously. "Who braided my hair!?"

He didn't even need to ask who did it. The look on their faces gave them away. Bilbo marched over to the culprits, intending to interrogate them.

"Why did you do this?" he asked, glowering down at the brothers. They shrank under his hot glare.

"W-we assumed that you'd like it." Kili stammered nervously. "Since you're officially part of the Company now."

"No you didn't." he fumed. "You did it to ridicule me!"

"What?" Confusion stretched over Fili's face. "Braiding is an essential part of bonding in dwarvish culture!"

These were the last words that Bilbo wanted to hear. He stormed off in a rage.

"Bilbo!" Balin shouted. "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere!" Bilbo yelled the words over his shoulder. "I've got to get away from you forsaken dwarves!"

He blindly stomped through the bushes and trees. Soon, he began to tire. Finally reaching an upturned tree, he sat down, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He heard a swishing behind him, as a very familiar figure sat down next to him.

"My dear Bilbo." Gandalf murmured sympathetically. "What on earth is the matter?" He repeated the words he had said to Bilbo many days ago in Bag End.

Bilbo took a deep breath to calm himself. "I am surrounded by dwarves. Very irresponsible, they are. Did you see what they did there?"

Gandalf nodded, as he took out his pipe and began smoking. "Indeed, I did."

"They're mocking me, these dwarves!" he seethed. "All because I hugged Thorin!"

Gandalf lowered the pipe from his lips. "My dear fellow, you are taking it the wrong way. It's extremely hot today, so everyone is grumpy by this we-"

"I am taking it the right way!" Bilbo yelled. "I-"

"Braiding in dwarvish culture is a sign of closeness and friendship." Gandalf interrupted.

Bilbo stopped mid-sentence, gazing at the wizard. "I-I-I- thought it meant love and marriage." he stuttered in surprise.

"It may in the Shire." Gandalf replied calmly. "But Fili and Kili did it for you, because it meant they welcomed you fully, and they didn't tell you because they wanted to surprise you. Braids have different meanings in dwarvish culture."

Bilbo thought about this for a moment. _Do they really accept me?_

"Then…" he said after a while. "Why did they give me funny looks when I walked around? Surely Fili and Kili must've told them."

Gandalf looked at him, shocked. "Well…ummm…"

His suspicions were confirmed. "I knew it!" he shrieked. "They'll never accept me! Not even to wear their braids proudly, as if I was one of them!"

"Bilbo, I-"Gandalf started, but Bilbo cut him off.

"Braids have special meanings, do they?" he shouted. "Did my braids mean 'love and marriage'?" When Gandalf didn't answer, he lost it.

"They think I'm in love with Thorin!" he screeched, astonished to hear himself like this. "Just because I hugged him!"

"Bilbo!" Gandalf suddenly roared. "Enough of this nonsense!"

"Enough of your nonsense!" Bilbo shot back, and instantly clapped a hand over his mouth in surprise. Burning with shame, he fled into the trees.

"Bilbo!" he heard Gandalf shout after him, but he kept on running.

_No, no, no._ He thought, as he thoughtlessly raced through the bushes. As he went, he undid the braids that were weaved so tightly. His eyes filled with tears as he painfully wrenched his hair out of the braids.

_How would they know if I loved Thorin?_ He thought numbly, as the last strand of hair was pulled from the braid. His brown, mousy hair hung around his face in limp locks.

_I don't though. We're just really good friends._

He thrust his way through a bush, the sharp brambles tugging at his worn clothes.

_I can't go back_. He thought in despair. _Not in this state_.

Suddenly, a wind swept through the trees, eerily rattling the branches and almost knocking Bilbo over. He stopped under the branches of an oak and hunched down, wrapping his arms around him to protect himself.

_I wish my friends were here,_ he thought. _Why?_

The wind grew stronger, threatening to push the trees over. A roaring filled his ears, and he felt as if he was falling through the air. Suddenly, a rock collided with his head, and spots danced in front of his eyes.

_What's happening? _"Thorin! Gandalf! Kili!" he shouted in despair, before darkness overtook him. In his state of unconsciousness, he felt as if he was being pulled in different directions, unseen forces grabbing at his clothes.

_Am I dying?_ He thought. _Is this what dying feels like? _He saw a spot of light, and ran towards it. It flooded his vision, blinding him. Then darkness slammed down onto his eyes.

Suddenly, he felt himself under warm blankets.

_I'm in a bed_. He thought confusedly. _But whose?_ He opened his eyes and gasped.

He was in a large, quiet room, with white walls and a white, shiny floor. Beds lined the walls, much like the one he was in. He threw off the blankets- gone were the tattered green shirt and the red, slimy waistcoat with the missing gold buttons. Instead, he was wearing a plain white shirt with the sleeves cut off before the elbow, and blue pants made of a hard material.

_Jeans_. He rolled the strange word in his mouth. He didn't know how, but he knew that the pants he was wearing were called jeans.

_Where am I?_ He thought in wonder. He spied a handheld mirror on the bedside table. He quickly grabbed it, and held it in front of his face, where he got the shock of his life, even more shocking than before.

_It's my face!_ He shouted in his head. _But…different_.

He still had his normal hair, but it framed his face in luscious, brown, curly locks. Some of the lines that used to be in his face had disappeared, making his face look smooth.

_I'm younger! _He thought with excitement. _But how? And why am I here?_

He swung his legs over the side of the bed to have a look at his feet. With a disappointed pang, he found that they were hairless, and _small_

_Just like a man_, he thought. There were some shoes at the foot of his bed. They were black, with a high neck and thick, white laces. They looked about his size.

_Converse shoes_. Another strange word.

_I'll have to find out sooner or later_. He slipped a foot into one of the shoes.

_These feel uncomfortable! Why on earth would I wear these?_

"That is the wrong foot." A deep gravelly voice sounded around the room. Bilbo looked up from his feet to see a tall man with short, grey hair. He was wearing a grey, pinstripe suit. He looked familiar, but Bilbo couldn't quite place it.

"Ummm…" He sneaked a peek out of the window next to him, though he wasn't entirely sure. "Good morning." he said hesitantly.

"What do you mean?" the stranger replied. "Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or do you mean it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you feel good this particular morning or that this is a morning to be good on?"

Bilbo just stared at him, gaping.

"It's the afternoon, by the way." the stranger added.

"…I'm sorry, what did you mean by the 'wrong foot'?" Bilbo asked, his jaws open in shock. He felt like a goldfish.

"What I meant by that, Bill, is that your foot goes into the _other_ shoe, not the one you are currently trying to shove into at the moment."

Blushing, Bilbo wrenched his foot out of the uncomfortable shoe, and placed it in the other one, where it fit snugly. He fumbled with the laces, as he tied it into a knot he had never seen before. His hands had just worked instinctively, looping the white lace together.

"Now," said the stranger as he did the other shoe. "Do you remember anything, Bill?"

Bilbo looked up from his shoe, as he finished tying it. "I do know who you are, Gandalf."

The wizard in disguise laughed. "I knew you'd remember!"

"But…why am I here?" Bilbo tipped his head, feeling utterly confused.

Gandalf stopped laughing and looked at the transformed hobbit. "You are here because you need to be grateful for your friends. In here, you will learn the true meaning of friendship, and that it should not be lightly tossed aside. I have sent you," He threw an arm at his surroundings. "To an alternate universe. There are many of these, you know." He turned, and began to walk away.

"Gandalf!" He turned around to look at Bilbo. "Where is everyone? And where am I?"

Gandalf chuckled. "They're here, with you. Your memories will come soon enough. In fact, they're already here, judging by the way you tied your shoelaces."

"What memories!?" Bilbo cried. Suddenly, an invisible force collided with his head, as darkness clouded his vision for the second time in the space of something like five minutes.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**BTW, there are no M/M ships in this, whatever you think! It may be implied in this chapter, but there is none. Just making it clear :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hehe...I'm having so much fun writing this.**

**I just watched 'The World's End'. Martin...at the end of the movie...*laughs***

* * *

_My name is Bill._

_I am 17 years old, in year 12, in a boarding school, in New Zealand._

_I turn 18 in a few months' time._

_I am an all-year boarder._

_My parents died in a car crash when I was 10. _

Bilbo watched the memories fly by, as if he was watching a movie. First he was in a bright room, as a tiny boy with brown curls played with a tricoloured ball under the careful eye of a familiar looking woman, next, he watched as a man in a fluoro yellow coat speak to the same boy, except his hair was shorter, and his face more defined. As each memory played itself out, he felt words coming into his mind, cramming it until it felt like it was going to explode. The last memory showed him passing out in a classroom, and the teacher bending down over his body-

His vision cleared. He was back in the white ro-no, _hospital wing_. Gand- _Mr Grey_ was still looking at him, as if only a second had passed as he relived his memories, though it had grown dark outside. Feeling overwhelmed, he doubled over, gasping heavily, as if he had surfaced from a swim in a lake. He was tempted to vomit into the bin next to his bed, but he restrained himself.

"It's a lot to handle, isn't it?" Mr Grey looked at him, sympathy in his eyes. "Not all the memories have returned to you; some will appear later when it is the right time."

Bilbo looked up. "And what of the others?"

"You'll eventually find the Company soon; they're just around the school in different grades."

"But how will I know it's them?" Bilbo stood up, awkward in the converse shoes. "They could be anyone."

Mr Grey chuckled. "You'll know. Now come on," he said briskly. "I'm supposed to escort you back to your dormitory. Being in year 12, it means you get a separate room."

They walked out of the hospital wing together, and down the velvet lined corridors. They went into a lift, where they were squished against the wall by a burly year 12 with dark brown hair cut into a mohawk. He wore a khaki cotton t-shirt, and baggy pants with a camouflage pattern. His muscly arms were folded, as he squinted at Bilbo and Mr Grey.

"Afternoon, Mr Grey." he nodded.

"Army corps, Darcy?" Mr Grey replied. There was something familiar about this person, something that Bilbo couldn't really place his finger on.

"Of course, Sir." The lift shuddered to a halt. Bilbo and Mr Grey hurried. He turned to see the lift close and descend, carrying Darcy with it.

"It's not very hard to find the members of the Company." Mr Grey said as they walked along the floor they had stopped at. "For example, the year 12 you just met was Dwalin."

_I knew it! _Instantly, Bilbo turned around and looked at the lift as he compared Darcy to Dwalin. He realised how similar they were in voice and appearance. Gandalf laugh quietly at Bilbo's reaction.

"It may be a big school, but many of these dorms are actually empty." he explained, as they walked down the corridor. "Each floor is dedicated to a year level's dorm, with exceptions to the year 12 and 13 floors. As you've probably already guessed, this is one of the year 12 floors, the _second one_ in fact. The bottom three floors are dedicated to classrooms." They stopped in front of a wooden door, with the number _161_ etched in gold lettering.

"Here is your key." Mr Grey withdrew a brass key from his pocket and gave it to Bilbo. "Keep it secret, keep it safe. This may be one of the most respected boarding schools in New Zealand, but I still hear reports of students breaking into other people's rooms."

"Seems right." Bilbo gratefully accepted the keys, and proceeded to unlock the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Gandalf said. "You might meet some familiar faces on this floor. The bathroom is near the lift, if you ever want to use the toilet during the night. And here's my phone number," He gave Bilbo a slip of paper with some numbers on it. "If you ever get into trouble." The wizard retreated down the corridor, back towards the lift.

Bilbo waved goodbye, and opened the door. He was met with floors covered in a rich green carpet and beige coloured walls. A bed was propped in the back left-hand corner of the room, complete with a bedside table. A desk was pushed up against the right side of the room, covered with various documents and school books. There was also a small chest of drawers and a wardrobe. A red, luxurious armchair completed the elegant look of the room, set alongside a dark brown coffee table. And there was also a-

_Mini fridge!_ Bilbo thought excitedly. _That is so cool._

The first thing he did was open the fridge. It was packed to the brim with all his favourite desserts and dishes, ranging from pies to cheeses to sponge cakes. Next, he flung open the wardrobe. He felt slightly homesick, thinking about all the waistcoats he had owned in the Shire.

_It would be social suicide if I wore _those_ to class!_

His wardrobe contained various pairs of jeans, denim shorts and a couple of shirts-office, t-shirts and long sleeves. He even owned a couple of indie hats and fedoras!

_Of course, I'd want to look my best._ He began opening his chest of drawers. He was a bit embarrassed to find he had a pink pair of socks. He shoved them to the bottom of the drawer.

_Hopefully, no one will see those!_

He got changed into his pyjamas, which were flannel and beige in colour. He was pleased to find his old dressing gown with the multi-coloured patched squares.

_Thanks, Gandalf._ He hung it on a clothes hanger and placed it on the front of his wardrobe. He jumped into his bed, grateful for the comfy pillows and warm blankets. As soon as he hit the covers, he fell asleep.

**_BZZZTTT!_**

Instantly, Bilbo's hand shot out and whacked the button on his alarm clock, as if he had been doing it for ages. It turned off almost immediately.

"Hey!" He heard a loud thump on the wall next to his bed, and jumped.

"Some of us are trying to sleep, Bill." A tetchy voice floated through the wall. "Unlike you, they have been up drinking coffee and studying all night!"

"Sorry!" Bilbo shouted back, feeling abashed. "I'll make it play the radio next time."

"Make sure it's the classical station!" his neighbour grumbled.

_Not a great start to the morning_, he thought as he changed into a green Mossimo t-shirt and the jeans he wore from yesterday. He had a quick glance at his timetable, which was stuck above his desk using some blu-tack.

_Double methods_, he groaned inwardly. He grabbed the appropriate books and headed out, not forgetting to lock his dorm behind him. His neighbour staggered out, his brown hair tangled over his face.

"Hey Harry," Bilbo greeted. He had almost called his friend Hamfast, his friend and gardener at Bag End. "What's up?"

"Tired, and woken up because of you!" he retorted, though there was a light-hearted twinkle in his eye. "Good thing I'll be early for breakfast."

Bilbo laughed, and made his way to the lift, where a cohort of impatient year 12s crowded around it. He accidentally bumped into a student carrying 'Hamlet' underneath one arm, and a stack of papers underneath the other.

"Watch it!" the student snapped, adjusting his rectangle glasses. He smoothed down his plum coloured sweater vest that was pulled over his white office shirt. "This is a very important report I have to hand in today!"

"Sorry, Dom."

The student narrowed his eyes. "It's _Dominic_ to you. Only my friends call me Dom."

Bilbo bit back a retort. He couldn't afford making enemies with Dori, especially when he knew he had to work with him later.

The lift was packed as hungry students piled in, all eager to make their way to the school café. It was a large room, everything covered in white tiles, and extremely clean. Lunch ladies served delicious, first class food as the students relaxed in red, plastic chairs and ate at light brown tables. Bilbo ordered some cornflakes, and he went to sit down with Harry and his group of friends, all of whom he recognised as hobbits from the Shire. He wasn't surprised to find Lobelia, now known as _Lauren_, still as sour-faced and bad tempered as she was before in the Shire.

During the first four periods (there were six), he didn't spot anyone new that he'd recognise from the Company. It turns out Dominic was in his biology class, which was fourth period-just before lunch. When Bilbo looked at him, he had snorted and pointedly turned his back on him.

_Well then_, he thought as he took down notes. _Have it your way_.

Bilbo decided to try spy on Dominic as he made his way to the cafeteria.

_Maybe the people he hangs out with are some of the members of the Company! _He thought eagerly.

Sadly, instead of going to the canteen, Dominic made a beeline for the library. As Bilbo ducked behind bookshelves, trying to see what he was doing, he was spotted by one of the library assistants who happened to be putting away some of the books in the aisle he was hiding behind. He was promptly shooed out and told not to come to back for the rest of the day.

Since his last two periods were for study, he decided to go up to his dormitory and pour over his Latin books. As he tried to memorise some terms, someone softly knocked on his door.

"Come in." Bilbo said wearily. He had been studying for about three hours straight. The door opened to reveal Mr Grey, this time wearing a plain grey suit complete with a white handkerchief and a tie.

"Good afternoon, Bill." He remained standing in the doorway to his room.

Bilbo spun around on his revolving chair. "Please, sit down." He gestured to the armchair.

"No thanks," Mr Grey shook his head and leaned against the doorframe. "I am only here to give you a message."

He readily leaned forward, making sure that he'd hear every word.

"You will be expecting…visitors…tonight."

Bilbo's eyes threatened to pop out of their sockets. "What?" he exclaimed. "Does that mean-"

"Yes." Mr Grey nodded, smiling. "You will meet the rest of the Company tonight, in these human forms."

"That's-that's wonderful." Bilbo stammered with relief. _He was going to see the others! _

"They don't remember me, do they?" he asked cautiously. "I bumped into Dori, well, _Dominic_, and he didn't seem to recognise me."

Mr Grey nodded again. "Like you, they have re-invented lives. However, they have no recollections of their time in Middle Earth."

"So it is my job to make friends with them again." Bilbo mused. "What did you tell them about this?"

"I simply told them they are to meet me in room _161_ on the first year 12 floor. I also told them that the owner would be expecting them."

_Oh no_. Bilbo stood up in shock. "But I need to prepare myself!"

Mr Grey dismissively waved a hand. "You have three hours; plenty of time!"

"But I need to get chairs, a large enough table-"

"That has been arranged." Mr Grey said. "Your chairs and a suitable table are being carried up as we speak."

"Thanks, Gandalf." Bilbo was so relieved, not even noticing that he had said "Gandalf."

"See you in three hours' time." Mr Grey winked, and left the dorm, closing the door behind him.

For the next three hours, Bilbo tried to study, but was so full of excitement, that he couldn't concentrate. When someone had knocked on his door, he had jumped with excitement and raced for the door, only to find two very bemused cleaners staring at him as they tried to support a large table. They had pushed his bed and armchair right to the sides of the rooms, so they could just manage to fit the table in. They had also brought chairs up. He couldn't construct Latin sentences, as he kept sneaking looks at the clock, and he couldn't write his Latin essay, as he was too distracted by the scraping noise of the chairs as the cleaners moved them. As the clock hand moved closer to six, he closed his book, and began agitatedly pacing. He kept asking himself questions.

_What if they don't like me? What if I can't help them in whatever problem they have here?_ He tried to busy himself by making the dorm look nice.

Suddenly, his clock chimed for six o'clock. Almost at the same time, he heard a loud knock on the door.

**_KNOCK KNOCK_**

_Must be Dwalin_, he thought as he forced himself to slowly walk to the door. He opened it a tiny inch, and then immediately swung it open to let his visitor in, who strolled in. He observed his surroundings, and sniffed disdainfully.

"Bit small." Darcy said.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yay! It's da holidays! Which means more time for writing!**

**God, I am so hyped up for DOS. It pains me to find out that there is a cinema 26mins from my house showing DOS, but I can't go becaue I promised to watch it with my cousin in IMAX. **

**:(**

* * *

"Do ummm…help yourself." Bilbo gestured to his fridge. It was painful to hear those words come out of his mouth. _Let's hope it works._

"We met before, in the lift right?" Darcy said, sweeping a critical glance over Bilbo, who was feeling rather short standing in the dwarf's shadow.

"Yes, with Mr Grey." he replied, but his visitor was already hurrying away.

"Do you have meat pies?" Darcy grunted, as he walked over to the mini-fridge, ready to ransack its contents. His black army boots trailed bits of mud all over the carpet.

Remembering what had happened at Bag End, Bilbo decided to tell him _exactly_ where they were before Darcy could turn the whole dorm upside down just to reach at a few pies. "They're in the top right corner, next to the vanilla ice-cream."

Darcy was already reaching for the meat pies. In one swift movement, he seized the whole box and was now stuffing his face as he got comfortable on the hobbit's armchair, spreading crumbs everywhere.

"Please do mind," Bilbo started, wincing as another shower of crumbs fell onto the floor. "I really don't want the cleaners to-"He was interrupted by another knock. Before Darcy could open his mouth to speak, Bilbo was already hurrying to greet his new guest.

"I know it's the door!" he shouted over his shoulder to a bemused Darcy, who was wondering how this _kid_ knew what he was going to say. "And it's probably your brother."

_Well, I'm right_, he thought as he opened the door. There, in the hallway, stood Balin, wearing a red Ralph Lauren shirt and brown three-quarter shorts, complete with dark crimson vans. Bilbo was surprised to see him with a shock of ruffled, black hair instead of the snowy white hair he was used to seeing. Though most of the lines and creases had disappeared from his face, he still had a recognisable twinkle in his eye.

"Bailey, at your service." He smiled, and shook Bilbo's hand.

"Good evening," Bilbo wanted to see how similar the conversation would be if he answered in the same way he did at Bag End. He was not disappointed by Bailey's reply.

"Yes, it is.," He nodded in agreement. "It might rain later though."

"Your brother, Darcy has already arrived," Bilbo waved him in. "Help yourself to the fridge. I also have two bottles of coke somewhere near there if you want. Otherwise, I can fetch some wa-"

"Wait," Dwalin stood up and eyed Bilbo suspiciously. "How did you know we were brothers?"

He gulped. "Family resemblance, I suppose." This was a lie, as they looked nothing alike. _Remember, _he told himself sharply, _they don't know you._

Bailey shrugged. "Whatever." He proceeded to pull his brother into a hearty hug, which, as Bilbo preferred, was much nicer than when they smashed their heads together. Then they began to raid the fridge together. Balin opened a bottle of coke as Dwalin inspected a piece of blue cheese Bilbo had found in the fridge when he first went through it.

"It's riddled with mould." he concluded, and tossed it over his shoulder. Fortunately, Bilbo was again reminded of Bag End, and was ready to catch it when it flew through the air. He had a quick glance at his clock. _6:10_.

_ Which means that Fili and Kili should be arriving about-_

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_**

_Now_. Bilbo hurried to the door. He really wanted to see what they looked like. He flung open the door and almost reeled back in shock.

Fili's hair had been cut short. His blonde locks had a slight wave to it, as they framed his youthful face. He wore a checkered, red shirt rolled up at the sleeves complete with dark blue jeans and denim converse hi-tops. An iPhone was shoved into the loose pocket of his shirt, as he listened through one earphone, the other hanging limp.

Kili's hair was only slightly shorter than it was. His silky, brown hair flopped around his face and into his eyes. He wore a simple, loose t-shirt the colour of the sky, and black converse hi-tops.

"Flynn,"

"And Kyle,"

"At your service." They reached out at the same time to shake hands with him, as they spoke in perfect unison.

_Some things never change, _he thought as he awkwardly took each of the boy's hands.

'I've seen you around, I think?" Flynn narrowed his eyes at him.

"Whatever!" Kyle barged in past Bilbo, as he stared in wonder at the place. "Nice dorm! My _shared_ one's nowhere near as nice as this!"

"You'll get one when _you're _in year 12," he promised him. "All year 12s get their own dorms."

"It's nowhere near as nice as mine!" Bilbo turned to see Darcy glaring at him as he munched his way through his fifth party pie.

"_Mr Darcy_," Kyle gave Darcy a hug. The brothers treated the older brothers like old friends they hadn't seen in a long time.

_They probably haven't,_ he thought. _They look like they're in different grades anyway._

As he mused to himself, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kyle raise one his shoes.

"No!" he shouted just in time, before Kyle could wipe the bubble-gum stuck on the bottom of his shoe to the desk leg. "Wipe it outside or something!"

"Jeez," Kyle grumbled, as he made his way to the door. "All this fuss about some bubble-gum!"

He was still complaining as he stood outside. Bilbo heard suspicious scraping noises on his door, but he couldn't be bothered investigating whether Kyle had decided to scrape the bubble-gum onto his door or not. He, instead, decided to cater for the guests inside the dorm rather than worry about the ones outside.

"Sooo…" he tried to make an effort in starting conversation. "Just to confirm, what year levels are you all in?"

"13." Bailey was studying the contents of his mini fridge with a frown.

"12." Dwalin's response was almost incomprehensible as he ate yet _another_ pie. _God, how many has he eaten?_

"10," Flynn was sitting down at the table, pouring some coke into a plastic cup. His iPhone was nowhere to be seen. "And Kyle's in year 9."

"The irresponsible years," Bailey said wistfully. "You'd best enjoy them."

"I will." Flynn respectfully dipped his head.

"So why are you all here?" Bilbo tried to sound as innocent as possible. _Of course I know!_

"Friendship group problems." Bailey replied politely, without giving anything away.

"Yeah, I don't know why _you're_ involved." Darcy scowled at Bilbo once more. Bilbo scowled back, used to the death glares Dwalin gave to him earlier on the quest. Darcy seemed surprised that someone other than his brother wasn't backing down from his glaring.

"Interesting," Even Bailey seemed surprised. "Not many people are scared of Darcy."

Bilbo's reply was interrupted by yet _another_ knock from the door.

_I know how to do this_. He marched up to the door and shouted, desperately hoping that the people on the other side could hear it.

"Line up and enter my dorm in an orderly fashion!" he commanded. "I don't want people falling over each other as they walk in."

He heard some shuffling on the other side of the door, and a few indignant "Watch it!" and "Ow!" As soon as the shuffling ceased, he slowly opened the door. There, stood the rest of the Company, and Mr Grey towering over them.

"Hello there." he said.

As usual, Bilbo told them politely to help themselves, but not leave any mess on the carpet.

They did help themselves, but left mess on the carpet. Mr Grey observed this, an amused twinkle in his eye.

"I see you've changed, Bill." He gently ushered Dwalin off the red armchair and sat down in it. "You're handling this better than I expected."

"Whatever," Bilbo snapped. "Why couldn't we meet during lunch or something?"

"Yeah! Why couldn't you meet during lunch or something?" Harry's voice drifted through the wall. "Some of us are trying to study!"

"Do not let us disturb you, Harry!" Mr Grey shouted through the wall. He was met with silence, which was broken by the awkward coughing of Harry coming through the wall.

"Begging your pardon, Mr Grey." he said hastily. "Didn't know you were there."

"I shall be taking my leave now," He slowly stood up from the chair, slightly wincing. "I have business to do."

"But-"Bilbo began.

"No buts, Bill," Mr Grey looked down at him. "I trust you'd know what to do. You have done this before, only in a different setting."

"But I need your help!" Bilbo shouted desperately.

"I have complete faith in you, Bill." Mr Grey said. "You must learn to be a bit more appreciative of friends, and not ignore what is in front of your nose."

"Wha-"

"Good evening, Bill," Mr Grey opened the dorm door and walked out. "I hope to see you sitting with them tomorrow." He closed the door in his face. Bilbo stood there, unsure of what to do next.

Suddenly, a pen whizzed by him, bouncing off the door knob. He turned to see Flynn standing behind him, another pen poised in his hand.

"Sorry," he shrugged. "Oliver betted that I couldn't hit the doorknob with a pen. Don't worry," he added hastily, seeing Bilbo's horrified face. "I'm only using empty pens I found in the bin."

Bilbo picked up the pen that had bounced off the doorknob, angry that Flynn was throwing things around his dorm, but slightly envious that he had kept his skill of throwing objects with incredible accuracy, regardless if they were pens or throwing knives.

"I'll put that back." A boy with a lilac sweater and ray bans slightly slipping over his nose (who Bilbo presumed to be Oliver) gently prised the empty pen out of his hand and aimed it for the bin next to his desk. He hit his target.

"Nice one." Flynn high-fived Oliver, who blushed.

_Ori down, seven to go_, Bilbo thought as he watched them talk.

"Flynn!" Kyle shouted to his older brother, as he drank a cup of coke. "How about a song?" The brunette's eyes were bright, as he flashed a lop-sided grin at his brother. Bilbo started wondering how you could get drunk on coke, and made a mental note to never touch that stuff in the future.

"Go ahead," Flynn smirked. "Surprise me!"

_Oh no,_ he thought as Kyle opened his mouth.

"Stop!" Bilbo held out his hand. Kyle froze, his mouth open as he was about to take a breath.

"Can't you read?" He gestured to a piece of paper, which he had hastily scribbled on and stuck it above his desk using blu-tack before Darcy had arrived. Bilbo was well prepared for the dwarves.

**_NO SINGING ALLOWED_**, it read in thick bold letters.

Kyle tipped his head. "Why not?"

"Cause people are studying." Bilbo retorted.

"You finally got that right!" Harry's voice, once again, floated through the dormitory wall.

Dominic nudged Bilbo. "Don't be hard on Kyle," he said. He cast a sideway glance at the brunette. "His brains are still _developing_." he muttered.

"True!" The next speaker had a similar hair colour to Dominic's except it was a shade darker. He wore a dark grey t-shirt, black cargo shorts and black vans. His brown hair stuck out all over the place.

"This one's brains are also developing," Dominic muttered in an undertone to Bilbo. "Meet my irresponsible cousin, Nathan."

_Nori_, he thought as he watched Nathan skilfully twirl a pen in his fingers. _His fingers are long and slender, good for pickpocketing_.

**_THUMP THUMP THUMP_**

The shouting of the others ceased, as they turned to stare at the door. Bilbo huffed, annoyed. _It's just a knock! Who else could it be?_

He briskly walked up to the door and flung it open, ready to meet his new arrival.

It was Thorin.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Guys I am experiencing feels at the moment.**

**I made the (un-regrettable) mistake of looking up DOS spoilers. And then I looked up the soundtrack.**

**And we wept, preciiooousssss...**

* * *

Thorin's hair was a black mane that fell in perfect curly locks around his angular face, not too many curls, but not entirely straight either. He wore a loose, navy t-shirt that revealed his muscular arms, and tight, dark grey jeans complete with black converse hi-tops. His striking, familiar ice blue gaze swept the dorm, and eventually landed on Bilbo, who suddenly felt extremely self-conscious.

"Sorry I'm late," His voice was deep and rich. "I was studying in my dorm on the floor above this one.

"Theo!" Darcy pushed Bilbo aside and hugged his best friend. "No doubt you could hear us!"

"Indeed," Theo pushed himself away from Darcy. "I'm Theodore. I'm basically the leader of this friendship group."

"I see," Bilbo's voice came out as a squeak. "I'm Bill."

Theo studied him. "Do you have any martial arts training?" He began circling Bilbo like he did at Bag End. "Karate? Taekwondo?"

"I can use a sword," he blurted out, and suddenly clamped a hand over his mouth. Theo raised an eyebrow.

"Not that it's necessary," he said quickly. "But I _can_ defend myself if I want to."

"Sure," Theo said. "Whatever you say." He gave him a long look, and then went to sit down at the long table, where the dwarves had situated themselves as he and Theo were speaking. Bilbo felt hot in his cheeks as he sat down next to Kyle and a chubby boy with a tuft of ginger hair on his head, wearing an olive coloured sweater.

"Bruno- Bruno Lewis," He introduced himself, shaking hands with him. "Theo has that effect on people. Don't let him intimidate you."

"Right," Bilbo mumbled. _Thanks a lot, Bombur._

"He is good fun, once you get to know him." Kyle whispered to him on his other side.

"Okay," Theo clasped his hands together. "Since we're in the dorm of a stranger who probably doesn't know our names, let us all introduce ourselves."

"Darcy Walker." He cracked his knuckles as he stared at Bilbo.

"_Bailey _Walker." He gave Bilbo a friendly wink.

The next dwarf bent his head and muttered something incomprehensible. He had a shock of scruffy black hair, and he wore a yellow hoodie.

"That's Boris." The dwarf sitting on Theo's right spoke up. He wore a funny shaped hat, and a mustard coloured t-shirt. "He's a bit shy. I'm Blake- Blake Lewis, the charming brother of the ginger sitting next to you." he added. Bilbo was comforted by his familiar, Irish accent. "Nice to meet you."

"Boris has autism," Bruno whispered in his ear. "He's a bit shy, but he'll eventually warm up to you."

"Oscar Moore." A boy with curly, mud brown hair tipped his head.

"Flynn Johnson." The blonde boy waved lazily.

"Kyle Johnson."

"Bruno Lewis."

"Oliver Wright."

"Dominic Wright." To his surprise, there was a friendly twinkle in his classmate's eye, as he reached over the table to shake Bilbo's hand. "Sorry for being rude to you in Biology."

"Nathan Cooper."

"Geoffrey Moore." The speaker was a boy with wavy, fiery red hair that clashed with a blood-red shirt he was wearing.

"And I'm Theodore Johnson, but you can call me Theo," The dwarf turned his clear gaze onto Bilbo. "And you are?"

_Damn it!_ Gandalf hadn't included a last name in his memories. He was going to have to improvise. "Bill Ba-"He choked.

"Yes?" Darcy looked at him doubtfully.

"Baker," he managed to say. "Bill Baker."

"Now, down to business," Theo said. "Bill, did Mr Grey tell you why we came today?"

He shook his head in denial.

"Okay," he said. "We're here because we are victims of bullying in the school yard."

"Hence, the martial arts question." Bruno murmured in Bilbo's ear.

"And…Mr Grey can't do anything about this?" Bilbo quipped.

To his surprise, Theo shook his head. "Teachers aren't allowed to directly interfere with student affairs. This is why we have a student council to sort this kind of issue out."

"However, in the social class ranking, we're somewhere at the bottom." Oscar said, who Bilbo had identified to be Oin. "So being in our group is something like committing social suicide."

"Plus, all the popular people are on the student council," Darcy added in. "They _hate_ our guts."

"Especially _Thomas Green_." Theo growled. "He's watched us with an upturned nose and done nothing to help us. His cousin, _Leo Green, _continues to antagonise us with his smugness."

"So that's why there is a very nice loophole in the teacher-student rule," Flynn said. "Though they're not allowed to interfere directly, they're allowed to give us help to solve our problem."

"So that's why we need you!" Bailey pointed at Bilbo, who flinched away slightly.

"Ummm…" Bilbo said awkwardly.

"He…doesn't really _fit_ what we're looking for." Geoffrey peered at him owlishly.

"Are you saying you don't _trust _Mr Grey's judgement?" Dominic challenged, getting out of his chair to lean across the table towards Geoffrey.

"Guys!" Theo shouted. "Settle down!"

With some dark mutters, Dominic sat down again.

"Anyway, our bully goes by the name of…" Theo paused. "Alan Davies."

_Right_. "That…doesn't sound very scary."

"Well, you should be!" Darcy growled across the table. "Just imagine a boy, bigger than me, with extremely pale skin and blonde hair like white fire!"

"He's like a…" Blake struggled to find words. "…like a _very_ macho vampire."

Bilbo would've laughed, if the others hadn't been looking so serious.

"The name of Alan strikes fear into the hearts of the lower class people in the social status ranking." Theo said. "It wouldn't for _you_, since you've such a pampered life somewhere up the top."

Bilbo felt a bit guilty at that statement. Though he wasn't at the top, he was rather respected by his classmates and other students. No one bothered him and his friends at lunch.

_"Keep a low profile," Harry had instructed. "A _very_, low profile. That way, Alan will leave us alone."_

"Anyway," Bailey said, cutting through the awkwardness. "Mr Grey chose you to help us…so, I think you will."

"Well said, Bailey." Flynn muttered.

"So as you've probably guessed by now, Alan is popular," Theo said briskly. "Only due to his cruelty and menacing presence."

"He surrounds himself with pathetic followers," Darcy said, crossing his arms. "They're small, but vicious. They will follow his orders without question."

"He flatters them, and softens them up," Geoffrey said. "Then when they think he's their friend, he abuses them, and puts them down."

"Which gives us a small advantage," Oscar said. "_No one likes him_."

"But why don't his current friends abandon him?" Bilbo asked, perplexed by this problem.

"Alan sort of gives them protection, in a way," Theo explained. "The friends he makes are right at the bottom of the social ladder. So joining him seems like the most logical option for them. So even though he's popular, not many people actually agree with him."

"If they have the courage to _disagree_." Dwalin said bitterly. Just as he said that, Bilbo suddenly noticed cuts and bruises on the others, on Flynn's arms, Darcy's face…

"Alan uses force and brute strength to get what he wants." Dominic explained.

"That's why we need someone to help overthrow him!" Oliver piped up.

"Alan may be strong, but he's got no brains," Bailey said. "We were thinking of humiliating him so badly, even his followers would scatter."

"And how would you do that?" Bilbo asked. He was met with silence, and awkward stares. After a long hesitation, Theo spoke.

"We don't actually know," he confessed. "But Mr Grey said you were an excellent problem solver."

Bilbo snorted. "Yeah, if you want me to bore Alan to death with a couple of maths equations."

"He told us there was something within you," Geoffrey said. "Something that _you_ couldn't even see."

"How flattering."

"Mr Grey's never been wrong before," Oscar was looking serious. "So you should trust him."

"Whatever." Bilbo hated giving these one-worded answers. _I know how this is all going to end!_

"It's getting late," Kyle checked his watch. "I think we should all get going. I've got to do some homework."

"But there is much, much more to discuss!" Blake protested. "Stuff the history homework I have to hand in tomorrow! This is much more important."

"Kyle's right," Theo stood up. "We should get going. I have a Business Management essay to be handed in tomorrow."

This was followed by a chorus of shouts about how they _all_ had to hand something tomorrow.

"Okay, okay!" Bilbo put his hands up in resignation. "How about I come sit with you guys tomorrow."

Instantly, Theo shook his head. "No."

"Why not?" Bilbo was confused.

Dominic sighed. "We _already_ discussed this!" he said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Do you _want_ to commit social suicide?" Geoffrey hissed. "Do you even _know_ what the feeling of losing all your followers on Facebook feels like?"

"No," Bilbo said pointedly. "I don't _have_ Facebook."

"Stop trying to sass-mouth me! It feels horrible!"

"Guys! What I'm trying to say is…I already have." This seemed to quieten down the loud dwarves.

Darcy looked at him with incredulity. "What?"

"If I'm seen helping you guys, well…" Bilbo trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"We could meet secretly in one of our dorms or something." Oscar suggested.

Bilbo shook his head. "It'll be too hard. Just too much running around and confusion. Plus, with our VCE exams coming up-"

"Okay." Bailey cut through Bilbo's babbling. "We'll do it your way. But are you sure?" he added hesitantly.

Bilbo nodded firmly. _Jeez, guys! Why can't you get my point? _"Very sure. I'll have all night to think about it anyway."

"Plus, at least one person gonna see us leaving Bilbo's dorm, and then they'll know he's with us then," Kyle pointed out. "News spreads around this school like wildfire."

"Even if we leave now, everyone's gonna know by the morning." Blake agreed with Kyle. "Well, Bill," He clapped him on the back. "You're stuck with us now."

"Yep," Bilbo replied. "Totally," He went to the door and opened it. "Go out one by one." he said. "And _slowly_."

His new found friends began filing out. As they did, they said their goodbyes.

"Bye Bill!"

"See ya tomorrow!"

"Good night!"

Finally, the last person to come out was Theo. He had loitered around the back of the room, until the last person, Oliver, had walked out.

"Very brave, what you're doing," he remarked. "Do you think you could handle it?"

Bilbo nodded.

Theo smiled, a very rare occurrence with Thorin. "I'd hoped you'd say that," Just before he went out the door, he whispered in Bilbo's ear.

"Welcome to the Company."

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**


	5. Chapter 5

**...Nothing to see here...**

* * *

The next morning, Bilbo mentally braced himself for the oncoming insults, as he dressed himself. Today, he dressed in a green hoodie, and his favourite jeans. He grabbed his books for Biology and Literature, and hurried out his dorm door, where he was halted by Harry.

"And where do you think you're going?" he smirked, holding up his phone. On the screen was a text message from a guy named Pete, probably the reincarnation of some hobbit.

_News flash!_ It read. _Just saw the Company come out of Bill's door. Better watch out Harry!_

"What is the meaning of this?" he demanded angrily. "The Company were right next door, and I didn't even know!"

"Harry," Bilbo tried to explain. "These guys are my friends."

"Those social outcasts!?" He scoffed. "Do you _want_ to be unpopular? Targeted by Alan?"

Bilbo straightened up, and looked at Harry right in the eye. "It my choice what I want to do." he said calmly. "I don't need you, or those snobs you hang around with."

Harry took a step back in shock. "You have lost my respect, _William_," he said. "The whole school will hear about this."

"Whatever." Bilbo hurried down to the elevator. He pushed past the wide-eyed students who had witnessed the argument and bundled himself into the lift.

"What are you staring at?" he snapped at them. One of them was brave enough to answer.

"Do you hang around with the Company now?" she asked boldly.

"Yep." Bilbo replied shortly. The elevator shuddered to a halt, and he strolled outside and down the corridor to the science classroom.

He received looks from passing students. Some were checking their phones, and looking at him with disgust. This made him slightly worried. _If the other Shirefolks acted like this in this place, how would they react at home?_

He shook his doubts off, and pushed open the swinging door that opened to the science classroom. The teacher wasn't there yet. But there was a familiar face…

"Bill!" Dominic was waving from near the front of the classroom. He pointed down to the seat next to him. "I saved a spare seat for you."

"Thanks." Bilbo set his books down and collapsed heavily into the empty chair. "I've been receiving strange looks this morning."

Dom waved a hand. "You'll be fine," he said. "At least you haven't been water-bombed yet."

Abruptly, three students clambered up onto the tables, clutching a colourful object in their hands. Then they launched them at Bilbo and Dom. He threw his arms up, just as the water-bombs exploded, showering him with water.

"Forget what I said," Dom lowered his umbrella, which he had put up just in time to cover himself, but not the now dripping Bilbo. "Just carry an umbrella with you from now on. You'd never know when they might start throwing eggs instead of water bombs."

After Biology, he said goodbye to Dom and headed to Literature. He felt his hair and clothes dry as he reached the classroom. As he entered, he was greeted with yet, another familiar face. He sat down next to Oscar, who was engrossed in his copy of 'Hamlet'.

"Ah, Bill," Oscar put the book down. "Nice to see you're following the traditions of the Company."

"Which is what?"

"Getting bombarded by water-bombs. I see your hair hasn't completely dried from this morning."

Luckily for Bilbo, the weather was nice this morning. He felt the sun's rays warm his damp clothes and hair as he hurried down to the café with Oscar, where the others were already waiting for him.

"Bill!" Blake waved at him, as he took a seat next to Kyle.

"I'm guessing you received the 'water-bomb' tradition'," Bailey said, faintly amused. "You're officially part of the Company now."

They laughed, as they began to tuck into their recess.

"So what happened to you this morning?" Flynn said between bites.

"Got disowned by my friends and been declared a social outcast for life." Bilbo shrugged. "Normal stuff I guess." As he spoke, he turned to look at Harry and his friends, who were sitting a short distance away at a different table. A couple of them were glaring, some were whispering and Harry had turned his back on the Company's table. Lauren was looking particularly thunderous.

Bruno looked at him sympathetically. "It's hard to lose friends."

"I don't really care about them anyway, "Bilbo said. "They're just upper class pieces of crap."

"Well said, Bill."

"By the way," Dominic turned on his chair and scanned the café. "Where's Oliver?"

"Here!" Oliver came hurrying down to the table, and collapsed onto a chair that Geoff had pulled out. He rounded on Flynn.

"Where were you!?" he shouted, though Bilbo detected a light-hearted twinkle in his eye. "You were meant to wait for me after P.E!"

"I thought you already went here!" Flynn protested. "Cause I couldn't find you! Of course, I was proved wrong when I came and you weren't here."

"Oh, whatever," Oliver sighed, and then he perked up again. "Guess what I got from the lunch ladies?"

"What?" They eagerly leaned closer. From under his sweater, Oliver produced a bag of-

"Honey soy chickens chips!" Bilbo breathed. "From Red Rock Deli!"

"On special too!" Oliver was enjoying the attention. "If anyone wants one…"

Instantly, the Company began begging for a chip, clambering over each other as they spoke.

"A chip please?"

"Aren't I your best friend?"

"If you don't give me a chip, I won't be your friend anymore."

Loyalties were cast aside, as everyone scrambled for the taste of the legendary honey soy chicken chips from Red Rock Deli. Soon, the treasure was nothing more than an empty chip bag.

"Oi!"

Bilbo turned, licking his fingers. A group of girls were closing the distance between them and the table fast. The lead girl had black wavy hair that hung down her back, and piercing blue eyes. She stopped at the table and looked disdainfully down onto Theo, who was munching on a chip as he guiltily looked up. Darcy had turned the colour of a beetroot.

"I thought better of you Theodore." she said, shaking her head.

"Whatever, Dan," He finished the chip. "I'm still older than you."

"Only by three minutes!" she snapped.

Theo sighed. "Bill, meet my twin sister, Dan."

Dan turned to look at him, blue eyes sparkling with interest. "So this is Bill?"

"So your name is Dan?" he retorted politely.

She laughed. "I like this one! He's got sass! No," she added. "It's short for Danielle, which is _such_ a mouthful."

He relaxed. _This must be Dis, Thorin's sister. I could get to know this person_. "Who are your friends?" He nodded to the other girls.

"Okay, so like your group, our friendship group is made up of social outcasts from different grades." Dan said. "This is Lana."

A girl with straight brown hair and a block fringe that tickled her eyelashes stepped forward. She nodded shyly at Bilbo, who smiled in return.

"This is Amanda."

This time, it was a girl with fiery, curly locks that stepped forward.

"Pandora."

A girl with blonde hair tied back into a ponytail waved.

"And Melia."

A girl with brown locks and ray bans grinned at him impishly.

"We would normally be with you guys," Dan explained, before shooting a glare at her brother. "But _someone_ isn't letting us."

Theo sighed. It was clear they had argued about this before. "You'll be targeted by Alan if you hang around with us."

"We're already social outcasts," she pointed out. "We might as well."

"No!" This time, Theo's voice came out as a growl. "I will not see you abused by Alan and his minions! I want to protect you," he added in a gentler voice. "You're my sister."

Dan thought for a moment, and then gathered up her friends. "Fine," she said. "But I'm still allowed to talk to you at recess and lunch right?"

"Yeah," Theo said in a bored voice. "Now _shoo!_"

"Okay!" Dan brightened up, and walked away. Darcy relaxed, but he stared at the girls as they walked away.

Bilbo had enough. As soon as the girls had left, he threw his books down onto the table, which made Kyle jump a mile in his seat, and a dark glare thrown his way by one of the teachers.

"I'm sick of this!" he said angrily. "Why are you guys treated like scum? I mean…" He looked around the table. "None of you are horrible to each other or trying to pick a fight-"

"Bill," Bailey started, but he continued.

"You!" he pointed at Bruno, who edged away slightly. "You're one of the most supportive people I've met! Why would someone cause _you _ill will?"

"Cause I'm fat," He shrugged. "Simple."

He pretended not to hear. "And you!" This time, he pointed at Blake. "You're funny…kind…what's not to like about you?"

"It's not that simple." he replied hastily.

"Bill!" This time, the shout came from Theo. In a softer voice, he added. "You're standing on the table."

"And y-"

Indeed he was. Half the students in the café stared at him, as he clambered down and took his seat, blushing furiously.

"You know what a geek is, right?" Theo asked. Bilbo nodded. He himself was a dedicated Sherlockian, whatever that was. That particular part of his memory hadn't returned yet.

"Well, at this table, we are all…" He waved his hands. "Geeks."

"Potterheads for life!" Bruno and Bailey shouted together, squashing an uncomfortable looking Boris in between them.

"I am rather fond of twili-"

"Don't utter that word here." Nathan hissed at Dom, before he could say the word.

"Trekkie all the way!" Bailey declared.

"Tributes forever!" Oscar and Geoffrey yelled gleefully.

Oliver hugged Nathan. "Whovians unite!" he squeaked.

"And I, Kyle and Flynn are hard-core Tolkienites." Theo explained. Bilbo wanted to ask what a Tolkienite was, but there was a more pressing question to be answered.

"What about you?" He turned to Darcy, who was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "What fandom do you belong to?"

He bent his head and muttered something unintelligible. Theo patted him on the back in a supportive manner. At last, Darcy had the courage to speak.

"I…I am rather fond of gaming," he said meekly.

"Zelda in particular." his best friend added.

"Zelda!?" Bilbo's voice sounded shrill to his own ears.

"Hey!" he snapped. "I've completed all the dungeons!"

"He has," Theo nodded, looking serious. Bilbo didn't know whether to laugh or not. "It took him _ages_."

"And then Alan _had_ to stuff up my 3DS," Darcy recalled bitterly. "He threw it into a puddle, and I lost all my memory. I had to restart my game."

"Oh…" Bilbo didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry."

"Easy for you to say." He sighed.

"What _is_ with this feud anyway?" Bilbo asked. "It sounds as if it's been going for an extremely long time."

"It has," Theo nodded. "It started even before I was born."

His jaw dropped open. "No way."

"My grandfather got into a slight disagreement with Alan's grandfather," he explained. "A couple of things happened, and he ended up on the floor of a warehouse, a bullet hole through his belly as he bled out his life onto the cold, stone floor. And then my mother _had_ to be distressed, and she couldn't give birth properly. I was meant to be a triplet- my brother, _Fred_ was going to be his name, died in the womb."

He reached out to comfortingly pat him on the back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't sympathise with me," He pulled away from Bilbo's hand. "I've managed to put up with my stupid teachers."

"Okay, sorry." Bilbo withdrew his hand, and started awkwardly fiddling his thumbs underneath the table. Lucky for him, the bell rang for the end of recess.

"See ya!" he shouted to the retreating backs of his new found friends. As he turned, he ran into a grey wall. As he picked himself off the ground, wondering why the wall was so close and unexpectedly soft, he looked up into the wise eyes of Mr Grey.

"Very good, Bill," He patted the slightly dazed student on the back. "It's nice to know you've made some friends." He walked away, humming something that sounded oddly like 'Greensleeves'.

_Wizards are weird,_ he thought as he headed up to his dorm for a silent study period.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**I have devised a character list that will appear at the end of each chapter when a new character comes along. It will show their Middle Earth name next to their new name, so people aren't confused :)**

**Fili-Flynn Johnson**

**Kili-Kyle Johnson**

**Oin-Oscar Moore**

**Gloin-Geoff(rey) Moore**

**Balin-Bailey Walker**

**Dwalin-Darcy Walker**

**Bifur-Boris Lewis**

**Bofur-Blake Lewis**

**Bombur-Bruno Lewis**

**Dori-Dom Wright**

**Nori- Nathan Cooper**

**Ori-Oliver Wright**

**Thorin-Theo Johnson**

**Mr Grey-Gandalf**

**Hamfast Gamgee-Harry**

**Lobelia Sackville-Baggins-Lauren**

**Dis-Danielle**

**Dan's friends and Pete-all randoms, but kinda important (not Pete, though)**

**Azog-Alan Davies**

**Also, to make things clear, Flynn and Kyle are brothers and their cousin is Theo.**

**Nathan is cousin to the brothers Dom and Oliver**

**And Theo and Dan are twins :)**

**Sorry to the Twilight fans that are out there, it was put in there for laughs (hopefully) and won't be mentioned again :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: Mention of _almost_ swearing, a bit of violence and a half death threat (and this is why it's rated T)**

**See if you can spot some of the references I made to the character's actors.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Hey! Bill!"

Bilbo turned around to see Kyle and Flynn marching towards him down the corridor.

_Uh oh, _he thought. _This can't be good_.

Even though he had only been in the Company for two months now, he knew trouble followed them around the corner wherever they went. Their reputation for pranks and jokes was unrivalled. The only person that could "out prank" them was Nathan.

Thinking of the Company made him smile. He had learnt a lot about them in the past lunchtimes and recesses they had sat through together.

Theo was very much the leader of the group, and a very all-rounded person. He got involved in sports such as football and cricket, and was very involved in the music department as one of the few harp players in the school. The only difference between him and his middle earth counterpart was that he was _a lot_ more benevolent.

Darcy was very much Theo's best friend. He too, was very much involved in sport, and played the viola in the school orchestra. This was the only thing in common he shared with his brother, Bailey, who was also in the orchestra playing the viola. He was much more interested in academics than sports, and planned to be the dux of his year.

The one person who dared to challenge Bailey to games such as Trivia Pursuit or Scrabble was Oscar, who was planning to become a doctor when he left the school. He also studied botany, and could identify the Latin word of any plant and its healing properties without batting an eyelash. Geoffrey, instead, could rattle on for hours about financing and business without changing the subject.

The Wright brothers, Dom and Oliver, had a relationship that was more similar to a parent-child one instead of a brotherly one. Oliver was the child, always wanting to go do something, while Dom was the parent, fussing over Oliver as if he was a precious item. True, Oliver had a peanut allergy, but Bilbo felt Dom was little _too _overprotective. He thinks it's because of Nathan, their cousin from their mother's side, who was always getting detentions and low marks on his school work.

Boris, Blake and Bruno were a bit more closer than them. Bruno aspired to be a chef when he grew up, or a food critic. He planned to go on Masterchef, which his brother, Blake, wholeheartedly supported. Even though Blake often made jibes about his brother's weight, they were always said with a light-hearted twinkle in his eyes. He was the joker of the Company, and the one who was always cheering everybody up, especially his cousin, Boris. Since Boris was autistic, he didn't talk much. He took special classes separate from everyone else, and he was taunted constantly for this. However, when angered, he was a formidable foe with his fists, and quick with his wits.

Now, Flynn and Kyle. Flynn was the more artistic of the two- having dabbled in landscape painting like his father, and photography. Though he could defend himself if he wanted to, with a black belt in karate and all. He was rather protective (not a _Dominic_ protective, more of a brotherly protectiveness) of Kyle, who was the more wild and reckless of the two. He would go on and on for ages about extreme sports, especially skydiving.

Speaking of Kyle…

"You know," the brunette said, as he ruffled his silky hair. "I find it weird how you can get 'Bill' from 'William'. That's your name right?"

"Well, yeah," Bilbo shrugged. "That's what it says on my birth certificate."

"Well…then how come your name is Bill?" As Kyle was speaking, Flynn rolled his eyes in exasperation at his brother's ahhh…stupidity.

"What? Do you expect him to be called 'Billiam'?" Flynn scoffed. "How ridiculous would that be!?"

"Bu-"

"Anyway, that's not what we came here to talk about." The blonde boy cut through his younger brother's protests. "We came here to talk about our-"

"Friendship group!" Kyle said excitedly. Bilbo still wasn't used to the brothers finishing off each other's sentences.

"Since you're officially part of the Company now," Flynn said. "We might as well tell you what's been going on."

"So Bill, or William, whatever," Kyle put an arm around him. "What do you want to know about the most?"

"Ummm… relationships?" Bilbo meant this as a joke, but Flynn suddenly grew serious.

"There's a lot in our group," They steered the hobbit into an empty classroom. "So…where to start?"

"I know!" Kyle put his finger up, as if a miraculous idea had sprung into his head. "Bruno."

"Really?" Bilbo tried to sound surprised. He knew about _Bombur's_ wife and his children. Goodness knows how many he had. Even Bombur himself had admitted he had lost count, which, as Bilbo thought, was _not the mark of a good father_.

"Yeah, he's got a crush on Pandora," Flynn explained. "You know, one of Dan's friends."

"The one with the blonde hair?"

Kyle nodded vigorously. "He wants to ask her out to the Year 9 and 10 social coming up, but he's too shy."

"I'm pretty sure Pandora likes him back, anyway." Flynn waved a hand. "They've been friends for _ages_."

"Now, the second one," The brunette continued. "Geoff."

"Now, he's got a crush on Amanda." Flynn waggled his eyebrows, which slightly unnerved Bilbo.

"He's hoping to ask her out to the year 11 and 12 formal." Kyle slapped his thigh. "See, this is what I _love _about this school! They have dances each year!"

"So…basically it's the people in this group who have some impossible crush on the girl version of this group." Bilbo guessed.

"Indeed," Flynn nodded. "How did you guess?"

"And now…for the most shocking relationship," Kyle grinned evilly. "Darcy."

Bilbo almost fell over in astonishment. "Darcy!?" he shouted with incredulity.

"And that's not the most shocking bit!" Flynn said triumphantly. "It's who he wants to ask to the formal."

"And who is that?" Bilbo asked eagerly.

Kyle did a drumroll on the table in front of him, before announcing a name. "Danielle."

"DAN!? THE DAN!?"

"Theo's sister?" Bilbo had never seen Kyle look so happy, and evil. "Yep."

Bilbo remembered how Darcy was acting so strange when Dan had come over to their table.

"But…I thought he hated her!" he burst out.

Flynn shook his head. "No, he doesn't hate _her_. He hates her boyfriend."

"_Damon_," Kyle spat the word out. "Darcy's cousin. A right little _prick_ he is."

Flynn began ranting. "That good-for-nothing, popular, snobby, stuck-up, spoilt, little piece of sh-"

"Anyway!" Bilbo exclaimed, before Flynn could state that last word. "Is this dude in league with Alan?"

Kyle grimly shook his head. "We're being targeted by many, not just Alan."

"Come on," Flynn was walking out of the classroom. "Let's find the others; we've discussed long enough."

"Okay." Kyle rolled his eyes, as he followed his brother.

"Sooo…" Oscar said, as the trio sat down. "What have you guys been up to?" The Company were sitting near a window that overlooked the courtyard just outside.

"You're not leading Bill into a life of crime, are you?" Dom narrowed his eyes at the younger boys. Bilbo couldn't decide whether he was being serious or not.

"Nah," Kyle sat down. "We've been discussing stuff."

"_Highly confidential_ stuff." Flynn added.

"Nothing's been done wrong." Bilbo said hastily. He didn't want them getting into trouble because of him. Darcy snorted in disbelief.

"You know," Bailey looked out the window. "It's pretty nice weather today."

Theo nodded in agreement. "Indeed. Let's go outside."

The Company headed into the courtyard and flopped down onto the grass. This particular area was famous across the school, as it was the only place the teachers didn't supervise. It was decided on a student council meeting some time ago.

"Oh, yuck!" Oscar exclaimed, leaping up shortly after sitting down. "The grass is still wet from this morning! I want to sit somewhere else!"

"There's a bench over there." Nathan offered, pointing to an isolated bench. Judging by where the students were positioned around it, it was given at least a one metre berth.

"Oh really?" Dom stood up, and interestedly peered around.

"Yes, the one covered in a suspicious white stain."

"I think its bird poo." Geoff craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the bench. Instantly, Dom and Oscar sat down again.

"I'm totally fine with sitting here." Dom concluded. Dom quickly nodded in agreement.

"So, how was period three and four?" Blake said, taking an enormous bite out of the sandwich he was holding. Instantly, Bruno dropped his head.

"He teased me again," he mumbled. "In sport."

Darcy gritted his teeth in frustration, as Blake suddenly adopted a dangerous glint in his eye.

"Who's 'he'?" Bilbo asked. "Is it another-"

"Bully?" Oliver said bitterly. "How could you tell?"

"We have many enemies, Bill," Darcy sprayed crumbs over the grass as spoke. "We should be thankful that they're not united."

"But who are they?" Bilbo insisted on an answer. Theo looked around nervously, before speaking.

"They're brothers, in years 10, 11 and 12 respectively." he said. "And their names are William, Bert and Tom. "

Bilbo suddenly had a fleeting image of being roughly tossed into a sack, and Bombur slowly being lowered down into the mouth of a monstrous, grey-skinned creature…

"We call them the 'Trolls'." Kyle's voice cut through his thoughts, and he was jarred back into reality. The hobbit winced at how the group's 'innocent' nickname for the brothers was very close to the truth.

"I'm gonna _kill_ William." Blake cracked his knuckles, looking murderous. "When I'm done with him, he's gonna be-"

"That's enough," Theo said sharply, grabbing the dwarf's shoulder. "We aren't technically best friends with the student council. Plus," he said, looking around. "How would we answer if we launched an attack on an outnumbered group of students?"

"They're not exactly what you call 'weedy', you know." Nathan pulled at some blades of grass.

"And then we'd probably be answering to Alan as well," Oscar said grimly. "I've seen him and Bert conspiring some evil plot behind the science labs during recess and lunch."

"Oh damn," Oliver said in disgust. Bilbo followed his gaze, to see three large, hunched figures walking up to them.

The Trolls looked almost the same as their Middle Earth counterparts. The only difference was that they were smaller. Yet they still adopted the same, permanent dumbfounded expression on their face, and the lumber in which they walked in. They all wore matching grey hoodies.

"'Ello there." The first one said, as they halted in front of the Company.

"Note their ridiculous cockney accents," Dom whispered loudly, so the Trolls could hear. "They think it's cool to have them."

"Wha' eva." The second troll said.

"What are you doing here Bert?" Theo asked with cold politeness.

"Coming here to mock us more, Tom?" Blake began to stand up, but Geoff pulled him back down.

"Don't start a fight now." he muttered urgently in his ear.

"That was fun!" The last troll had an annoying, nasally voice. "I enjoyed teasing the fa' one."

"Be quiet Tom!" Bert snarled at his younger brother. Instantly, William whimpered, and lowered his head.

"Now," He turned back his attention to the Company. "We have business to discuss."

"We have no business with the likes of you!" Darcy snapped.

"The likes of us? "The other troll sneered, presumably William. "Of course, we're more popular than you."

"We've recently made a new friend," William said. "He goes by the name of…Alan?"

Beside him, Bilbo felt Theo stiffen.

"He seems very interested in you, Theodore Johnson," the troll continued. "And all of you too! Bu' he is most interested in your newest asse'." His gaze bore into Bilbo like a drill.

"Ah yes," he mused. "Your name is Bill, no?"

"Indeed," Bilbo tipped his head in mock politeness.

"How did you join the Company?"

Bilbo straightened up. "And why do you need to know?"

Bert looked faintly surprised. "Alan tol' me you were a whimpering coward, judging by the company you used to keep."

"_They_ were cowards." Bilbo retorted. "These guys are my friends now."

"Friends that will back you up?" There was a cold glint in Tom's eye, as he pushed in front of William. "_Loyal friends?_"

"If you're looking for a fight," Geoff said belligerently, curling his hands into fists. "You seem to be on the right track."

Tom smiled, showing gaping holes were some of his teeth had been knocked out. "That's exactly what we're looking for." With a roar, he bowled into Geoff and they began wrestling on the ground. With a yell, Darcy threw himself onto Tom, and that was the cue for all the others to start fighting.

Bilbo ducked as William swung a punch towards him. He glanced desperately at the café, hoping that a teacher would see the commotion from the inside, but they remained oblivious to the fighting and yelling coming from outside. He grabbed a branch that had fallen off a nearby tree, and began attacking Bert. He found it was a poor substitute for his sword.

Even though there were four dwarves on one troll, they were managing rather well. When Bilbo punched William, it felt like punching a brick wall.

"Run!" Kyle shouted. One of his eyes was swelling, blotchy and blue in colour. "We can manage ourselves!"

"No!" Bilbo shouted, grabbing one of Tom's arms in an attempt to restrain him.

"It's too dangerous," Flynn snarled, grabbing Tom's other arm. "You don't have the training we do!" Bilbo realised with a start that there was a fresh cut on his arm.

_Have they pulled out weapons?_

Bilbo was so distracted and concentrated on trying to restrain Tom; he didn't notice the fist of Bert rocketing towards the side of his head.

"Bill!" Oliver cried, but it was too late. Just before Bilbo managed to register his cry, the fist collided with the side of his head. White spots danced up in front of his eyes, and blackness rose as the ground rushed up to meet him.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**Also, with the Billiam thing, that happened in a conversation between my friend and I, when I asked how could you get Bill from William.**

**So yeah...the trolls have kept their names**

**And yes, I ship Dwalin/Dis. Deal with it ;)**

**Damon-Dain Ironfoot (if you've read the Hobbit, you'll know who he is)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning: Mention of a bad word, injuries and slight torturing**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Bilbo saw grey at the edge of his vision. He blearily opened his eyes, and found himself on the carpeted floor of a classroom. Indistinct figures stood over him, murmuring.

"Bilbo?" someone whispered. He made it out to be Kyle. One of his eyes was swelling, and there was a nasty scratch on his forehead.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," Oscar said, his eyes glinting dully in what little light there was in the classroom. "That was quite a blow you took to the head."

"Why is it so dark?" Bilbo struggled to pull himself into a sitting position. He recognised Flynn, Bailey and Theo in the classroom with him.

"Because it's night," The blonde dwarf indicated to the window beside him, where a shaft of moonlight was streaming in. "You've been out for a pretty long time, Bill." He winced slightly as he lowered his arm.

"What happened?"

"The Trolls happened," Bailey said tiredly. "After they knocked you out, they took you hostage and threatened to harm you if we had kept on fighting."

"Naturally, we agreed to stop," Theo was pacing agitatedly. "They shoved us into here without any of the teachers noticing, and herded the others away. We've been here for _hours_. _And _they took our stuff. My phone, Bailey's glasses-"

And my iPad," Kyle interrupted, his eyes smouldering with rage at the thought of the trolls playing on his iPad. "However, we found another one some careless student left behind. Flynn and I managed to guess the password, and we've been taking turns in playing on it. It's my turn now." He swiped his finger across the iPad screen and made a face. "Bleugh, 'Toca Hair Salon'. Where's the fun in that?"

"Is there a reason why no one has bothered to look for us?" Bilbo asked.

Oscar shrugged. "The teachers don't meddle with student business; they're just here to teach us stuff."

"So…we're stuck here."

Bailey thought about this for a moment before giving an answer. "Yep."

"Wonderful, just wonderful," He rubbed his forehead in stress, before looking back up. "Is there a whiteboard in here?" he inquired.

"Yeah…" Theo answered confusedly. "Why?"

"Well…we could play some games or something, since we've got nothing else better to do. Unless," he turned to look at the others. "Anyone else has a better suggestion?"

When no one replied, he launched into an explanation of his game. "Well…there's this game I really like playing…"

"Go Oscar!"

"C'mon! Get a move on Theo!"

The game Bilbo had decided to play was 'Pictionary'. To those who don't know, 'Pictionary' is when you divide into two teams, and one student from each team (they take turns) must draw an action, situation or an object. The team that guesses their teammate's drawing first receives a point. Bailey and Theo were in a team, versing Oscar and Flynn. Kyle had decided not to play, too engrossed in playing 'Toca Hair Salon', which made the teams uneven, so Bilbo had decided to step out and be the word master, that is, give the words for them to draw. At the moment, their teams were on a tie of four points. Bilbo had decided it was a 'first to five' game.

"What on earth are you _drawing_, Theo?" Bailey was squinting at what looked like a bed with love hearts around it.

"I know!" Flynn snapped his fingers in recognition. "Making babies!"

"Yes!" Oscar punched the air in triumph.

"Oh goody," Kyle murmured from the corner. "Now I just need to cut some hair off…"

Theo grumpily put down his whiteboard marker. "Technically, the word was 'sex'. I didn't know how to draw it! What did _he_ draw!?"

Bilbo had a sneak peek at the brunette's drawing. It was two ladybugs sitting on top of one another, with little hearts around it.

Flynn smirked. "A sweet picture, isn't it?"

"Oh, shut up." Oscar joked, playfully swatting the blonde.

"Touching," Bilbo turned to see Bert standing at the door, leering at them. He hadn't noticed him open it.

"It's time to take you to meet the others," he continued. "So we can begin the interrogation."

"And what will make _us _come with _you_?" Bailey looked the troll up and down with a disgusted look.

"This," He pulled out his iPhone and unlocked it. He pressed something on the screen.

"Yes?" came the low grunt of William, coming through the speaker. "I'm guessing they don't believe you?"

"Why do you think I'm calling you then?" he snapped back. He turned to the others and gave a fake grin. "Come closer to the phone screen, and say hello."

Cautiously, Bilbo inched towards Bert, and looked. There, in another abandoned classroom, were the other dwarves. Just a metre away from them was Bruno, his hands pinned down by Tom. The ginger dwarf had multiple bruises on his arms and legs. Tear tracks were shining on his pudgy face, as he pleadingly looked at the camera.

Bilbo took a step back in horror, as Tom sneered at him. "Are you _sure_ you want to refuse our demands?"

"Bill!" Flynn tightly grabbed his shoulder. "What did you see?"

He gathered himself before speaking, "They're torturing Bruno in another classroom. If we don't come, they'll probably break his arm or something."

"Too right you are," Bert said, locking his phone. "Now come on. If any of you try to escape, this phone will be out before you can say 'run'."

Exchanging dubious glances, the boys filed out of the classroom. The last one to leave was Kyle, who still was trying to play whilst avoiding obstacles.

"I'll take that." On the way out, Bert grabbed the iPad from him. Glaring, Kyle stomped down the corridor to the others.

They made so many twists and turns, Bilbo's head was spinning. The cunning Tom had decided to use the school staircases instead of the lifts, to make sure the others didn't know which floor they were on. After a few minutes, they came across a classroom with a small window cut through it. _T17 _was engraved on a dull silver plaque on the door. Before Bilbo could look through, Bert shoved him out of the way and rapped sharply on the wood.

"Bert?" Someone grunted, presumably William.

"I have the others," Bert growled. "Now open the door before I smash it down."

"That's definitely him," Tom's voice sounded muffled, as if a piece of cloth was over his mouth. "Open the door."

The door swung open. Bert's beady eyes glittered at them as they walked into the classroom. Bombur was still being held by Tom, as the others watched; too tired to acknowledge them Bilbo felt a surge of anger. _How dare they?_

They were roughly thrust into the other dwarves, as William began to speak. As they were jostled around, Bilbo felt a lump in his pockets. As he inconspicuously shoved his hand into the pocket, he felt the unmistakeable edge of his rubber phone covering. He quickly took it out.

_They forgot to take my phone,_ he thought in surprise.

"Now," William rubbed his hands together gleefully. "I presume you know why you're here."

The Company stayed silent, glaring at the trolls. Bilbo seized the opportunity, and bumped his hand into Theo's thigh. He broke his glare and looked down (since he was taller). Bilbo flashed the phone screen at him. His eyes widened in surprise.

"A distraction-"Theo murmured.

"Would be great," Bilbo finished for him.

"How long?" Theo was already leaning to whisper in Darcy's ear.

"As long as you can give me." Bilbo unlocked the phone, wincing as it made that familiar snapping sound. He looked up to see if any of the trolls had noticed, but they were all fixated on the others.

"So, why are we here again?" Oliver asked innocently.

Bert slammed his fist down onto a nearby table, making him flinch slightly. "Isn't it clear!? We're here for your newest asset!"

_Crap,_ Bilbo thought as he watched William push through the dwarves towards him, rooted on the spot in panic. Quickly, he passed the phone into Theo's hands, before the troll reached out an arm and dragged him to the front of the classroom.

"Now, _why_ did you join them?" Bert snarled, shoving a whiteboard marker under his chin. Bilbo would've laughed if the situation wasn't so dire.

"Cause I felt like it," he shrugged. "What's it got to do with you?"

Bert pressed the marker into his chin harder. "This is all a bit fishy, isn't it?"

"So is your breath," He heard Theo sigh in exasperation, and saw Oliver facepalm.

"Answer the question!" Behind the troll's back, Theo waved the phone frantically in the air, mouthing: _I sent it! _Next to him, Blake held up his hands, his fingers outstretched and an encouraging smile on his face.

_Five minutes, _he mused. _I have to keep them talking for five minutes_. He was going to have to improvise.

"You are _all_ clueless, aren't you?" he sneered, trying to look as mean as possible. "You have _no idea of what's going on."_

"What?" The look on Tom's face was priceless.

"Don't you find it a _little_ bit strange that I, a well-respected student, would join the likes of these people," He thrust a hand at the Company. "A collective of geeks and losers!?"

"Well, that's what makes it so strange, innit?" Bert said. "Even Alan Davies is interested in you."

Bilbo pressed his face to Bert's, trying to ignore his fishy breath. "Did it…occur…to you numbskulls that I am spying for him?"

"Bill, what are you saying?" Kyle shouted, confusion in his tone.

"Alan told me to spy on them, you know," Bilbo hated this, but it was the best way to delay them-with an interesting story. "He approached me, and told me he had taken a liking to me. He then told me to invite the Company over to my dorm. That was three nights ago. As soon I can slip away from these losers, I'll have four days' worth of information to report back."

William seemed taken aback, as he tried to find an answer to Bilbo's sudden proclamation. "Well then, why don't you tell _us_, and then we can tell Alan?"

_Crap. _"…Because, this is information for his ears only."

"But we _are_ all part of the same group aren't we?" Bert said, a dangerous glint in his eye as the truth finally began to dawn on him. Bilbo gulped.

"You take us for fools?" he snarled.

"Yes, I do. Because you _forgot to take my phone._"

**_BANG_**

At that moment, the classroom door swung open. In the door frame, stood Mr Grey, a steely glint in his eyes as he observed the scene in front of him. Tom slowly let go of Bruno's arms, his eyes not leaving the principal. The dwarf took the chance, and raced into the outstretched arms of Blake.

"You know," the wizard contemplated. "I hate giving out detentions."

Bert paled.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**To those who have read His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman, are you interested in the concept of daemons living alongside us? Then check out The Daemon Page! It tells you how to acquire your own daemon (though it will take mental work) but it's pretty cool. They're in a bit of a newbie drought in the forums at the moment, so I'd thought I'd advertise them here, so they can get a few new members looking for their daemons :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Warning: ...Nothing really...**

**I seem to have this habit of finishing a chapter every three days. Has anybody noticed that?**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

Bruno was rushed along to the infirmary immediately, with the aid of Blake and Geoffrey. The Trolls did not try to struggle or protest as they were led from the classroom by Mr Grey. He ushered them out first, before stopping to turn around and say something to the dwarves.

"I'd suggest you should all find your belongings," he said, as the last troll left. "And clean yourselves up too, before you go to bed. I don't want to face the wrath of the cleaners when they find out they have extra to clean up." He closed the door and headed off, the sound of his footsteps fading away.

"That was a quick bit of impromptu there, Bill," Flynn patted the hobbit on the back. "Well done!"

"Yeah, well done!" Kyle whooped with joy.

"Okay, enough celebrations," Dwalin headed over to the teacher's desk, and pulled out all the drawers. "This is where they hid our stuff."

"All the stuff?" Nathan had a glint in his eye as he strolled over to get a closer look.

"Our stuff, and other people's things as well!" Dwalin nodded.

"Ha-ha," Nathan rubbed his hands together in glee. "This will be good."

"We are _not_ here to steal people's belongings," Dom sighed. "This should be reported to Mr Grey."

"That reminds me," Theo rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "How did Mr Grey know that our things were stolen?" His gaze was unreadable as it rested on Bilbo's face.

"Well, what does it matter?" Bailey chuckled. "We're alive and free, while those idiots are getting a well-earned detention!"

The dwarves laughed, and rushed to the desk to grab their belongings. There was much commotion and shoving as they all tried to grab their valuables.

"Sweet!" Kyle exclaimed as he unearthed two iPads, one with his name on it, and the other with a TARDIS leather case on it.

"Oh wow, I wish I had that case." Oliver sighed.

"Remember, you're not here to steal," Flynn reached over, and plucked the iPad out of his brother's grip. "You don't even like Doctor Who that much anyway. Now, let's see who this belongs too…" The blonde opened the lock screen on the iPad and peered at it, trying to glean something from the picture of David Tennant on it.

"Like Dom said before, we should report this to Mr Grey," Oscar examined the contents of the desk, a frown on his face. "How on earth did Bert and his brothers manage to hide all this, especially in _one classroom_?"

"You know their social status," Oliver said bitterly. "They're a bit like Alan- mess with them and you'll regret it. They probably targeted Year sevens, and then used a series of bribes to keep them in check. You know they've never been caught by the teachers. Plus, no one wants to look like a tattle-tale."

"I see…" Darcy nodded, looking as if he didn't see at all.

"Anyway, let's take all this stuff to Mr Grey," Bailey stacked a few iPads into a small pile, and then lifted it up. "Who wants to come with me? I can't carry these all by myself."

"I will," His brother lifted another pile of iPads, which threatened to topple. "Come on, Bailey."

"We might as well go," Theo was leaning on the doorframe. "Does everyone have their stuff?"

The dwarves nodded.

"Then let's go."

Bilbo rooted through the drawers to see if he'd left anything behind. By then, everyone else had left except for Theo. When he stepped out, he felt a rough hand on his shoulder, and turned to see the black haired boy gazing at him.

"Follow me," He set off at a brisk pace down the hallway towards the lift.

"Where are we going?" Bilbo went into the lift. Theo then pressed the button on the lift, which shuddered and jolted.

"To my dorm," The doors slid open, and they stepped out onto the first year 12 corridor. They walked down together, and stopped in front of a door that had _195_ engraved across it. He fumbled with the key as he attempted to unlock the door. "We need to talk, _in private_."

Theo's dorm was a large room lavished in navy carpet. There was a sense of elegance in the dark, wooden furniture and the pale grey walls, but there was also a sense of homeliness. Posters plastered the walls, of reminders, timetables and movies. A black laptop sat atop his desk, surrounded by carefully organised papers and a plastic cup full of pens and pencils. Like his own dorm, there was also a mini fridge and a bunk bed shoved into the corner of the room. As he checked out the room, he didn't notice Theo angrily round on him.

"You're plotting something," he accused him.

"What?" Bilbo was snapped out his day-dream. "Who? When? How?"

"There's something strange at work here," Theo began pacing. "How on earth would Mr Grey know that our belongings were stolen?"

"Maybe he's guessing?" Bilbo shrugged. He knew perfectly how Mr Grey knew.

"No!" Theo stopped and looked at him square in the eye. "People can't _guess_ that well, it's too abnormal! No, he must know something about this…"

"Well, how? No one told Bert and his gang off-"

"Exactly! Which meant Mr Grey knew something about it then!"

"But Mr Grey only cares about the welfare of this school," Bilbo argued.

"Listen Bilbo," Theo grabbed is shoulders in a reassuring way. "I know you're innocent, and sheltered from all the bad things that have happened in this school, and I respect that! But this is reality-trust no one except us, and you'll be fine."

"There is also another reason why I brought you here as well," Theo let go of Bilbo's shoulder and continued to pace. "To speak in private. Are you…scheming… with those bullies? Your story about reporting to Alan was very believable."

_What?_ Bilbo's heart threatened to burst out of his chest. "No way! That was an act!" he said indignantly. He felt as if Theo sensed his sudden discomfort.

"It could be a possibility," He continued to pace. "One, you're phone wasn't taken from you. Two, the story you 'made up'. Three, they didn't try to harm you when you were being interrogated, even though they were capable of harming Bruno. Four, _who on earth has Mr Grey's phone number_?"

"His friends, maybe? It's not an international secret."

Theo glared at him in such a familiar way, that Bilbo didn't flinch. "Dan was right- you _are_ one sass mouth. I meant_, why would a student have the principal's phone number?_ It's unheard of!"

"Well-"

"And then there was the matter of that story. It seemed well-rehearsed, as if you were truly doing the things you said."

"So-"

"And then there's also the matter of your phone. Everyone else had their phones stolen; why was yours not?"

"Actually, that's a fair point," Bilbo found himself agreeing with Theo. "There's nothing special about me."

Theo stopped, and gaped at him.

"That reminds me," the hobbit continued. "One of the trolls asked me if you were loyal friends-friends that would back me up. What's the meaning of that?"

The former King under the Mountain sighed, and collapsed in his squishy blue armchair, his face covering his hands. "We…used to be popular once…long ago…when it was just me, Bailey, Darcy, Dom and Oscar. Bailey and I had a place on the student council and everything," He peeked at Bilbo through his fingers. "Remember when we told you about Thomas Green?"

He nodded.

"Well, he was my best friend, once upon a time. Until his father had a falling out with my father. My father was humiliated; he lost his job and everything. It was all kept a secret. I went up to Thomas and told him he wasn't welcome in our friendship group anymore."

"That…was not the best decision," Bilbo remarked.

Theo glowered at him. "My father told me to do it. Plus, hereditary rivalry runs deep in my family. Are you familiar with the term, 'YOMYOMF'?"

"You Offend Me, You Offend My Family," the hobbit nodded. "Indeed."

"Well, that's basically our family mantra. Anyway, since the whole situation was kept hush-hush, _no one_ knew why one of the biggest bromances in the whole school suddenly broke up." Theo stood up and paced again.

"I'm pretty sure Thomas knew of the…problem, but when I told him to go, he did, without protesting. That day, I learnt he also followed the 'YOMYOMF' code."

"He managed to climb his way up the social pyramid, with the help of another friend we had cast out. Each day, he became more popular, and we were pushed down the pyramid further and further. Soon, in a years' time, he had a spot on the student council-_my spot _-I was cast out in shame, and they voted him to follow me."

"Burn," Bilbo muttered under his breath, unsure if Theo could hear. He looked at him quizzically, before continuing.

"Though he may not look kindly on the trolls and Alan, he would always put them before our friendship group when making decisions." He finished and sighed loudly, as if relieved it was over.

"So, now you know the story," Theo looked at him. "Any questions?"

"Yes," Bilbo said. "How high up is Thomas? In the council, I mean."

The dwarf hesitated for a second, before replying. "He's the school captain."

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**Thomas Green: Thranduil**


	9. Chapter 9

**Warning: ...Nothing**

**Gais, I watched DOS it was soooooo goooooodddd if you haven't watch it you should it's worthwhile!**

**Also, Merry Christmas! If it's Boxing Day already, then Merry Christmas for yesterday! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Bilbo felt he had only slept for five minutes, even though he had slept for something like five hours. In an adrenaline rush, he jumped out of bed.

Only to realise it was Saturday.

_Yes, _he thought in triumph. _Free tiiiiiimmmmmmee! _ He quickly got dressed and stepped out into the corridor, the tiring events from last night forgotten in a flash of excitement. He raced to door _172_ and knocked loudly and quickly. An inhuman groan sounded from the room and a small _thump_ where an object hit the door, presumably a pillow.

"What is it?"

"Weekend!" Bilbo shouted, not caring whether he woke up his neighbours. "Time for fun!"

"Jeez," The door creaked open to show Dom standing there, bleary eyed and his normally neat hair ruffled. "It's like, 8:00."

"Good! More time for fun!"

"Saturday is my beauty sleep day," The dwarf rubbed his eyes. "I usually don't get up till ten. So goodbye." He started to close the door, but Bilbo managed to wedge his foot in between the door and the frame just in time.

"What are you doing!?" Dom snarled, slamming the door on the hobbit's foot. "Go away!"

"You can't escape!" Bilbo sang, trying to ignore the stabbing pains in his foot as the door connected with it. Dom finally gave up, eyeing him with disgust.

"You win," he said in defeat. "I'll go get dressed." He slammed the door.

"It would've been easier if you agreed five minutes ago." Bilbo said, as he impatiently tapped his foot on the door. A few moments later, Dom stumbled out, his glasses slightly askew on his forehead. Then they headed off to wake the others on the various floors. It was an hour when they finally reached Kyle in his shared dorm. Luckily, his roommate had already woken up when they reached his room, so they all knocked on the door (all 13 of them) and yelled at him to hurry up.

"Seriously, Bill, you should've let us sleep." Flynn gazed at him sleepily, his head resting on his arms as he sat at the table. The Company were in the café, some with their breakfast, and some with none. The younger members of the Company-Flynn, Kyle and Oliver were too tired to haul themselves down to the café, let alone go buy some breakfast. Theo and Darcy had taken the liberty of buying them some toast and apple juice, which they hadn't touched yet.

"C'mon," Bill sipped his cup of orange juice. "Think of the positives, guys! Look, _no one is here_, which means no queue,"

"No glares from other tables," Oscar added, as he munched on toast.

"_And_ all the good food hasn't been snatched up by other students." Bruno, recovered from last night, was happily spreading maple syrup over his pancakes.

"Exactly! Guys, you took the words right out of my mouth," Bilbo said. "So what do you want to do today?"

Blake shrugged. "I don't know, go down to the shops."

"Shops?" Kyle looked up interestedly, suddenly bearing a resemblance to an excited puppy.

"Oh yeah!" Blake snapped his fingers. "They've recently opened a new shop! It's called…'ThinkGeek'?

"I _love_ ThinkGeek!" Geoffrey exclaimed.

"Then let's go later," Bilbo set his mug down. "Does anyone want to go anywhere else?"

"I'll need to stop by MightyApe," Darcy said. "I need to get the latest copy of the Zelda manga series."

"Oookay…" Bilbo turned to the others. "Anyone else?"

"I want to go to the convenience store," Theo said. "They're selling Natural Confectionary at half price over there."

He found it amusing that someone like Thorin needed their sweet tooth to be satisfied, and he chuckled softly.

"Yes?" He turned his sky-blue gaze on the hobbit. _Apparently, he did hear it_.

Bilbo finished his juice. "Let's go after lunch."

They hung around in one of the classrooms for a few hours, before having lunch in the café and asking Mr Grey for permission to go to the local shops.

"Yes," he said. "But don't stray too far."

This answer was met with many grumbles and eye-rolls.

"It's like we're still children!" Darcy had whispered furiously.

"Technically, we still are," Bailey had pointed out. "You're technically an adult when you're 18."

"Don't bore me with facts!" his brother had grumbled in reply.

Kyle and Oliver, being the tech nerds of the group, had researched ThinkGeek and MightyApe, hoping to find out what they stocked. They utilised a year nine's unprotected Wi-Fi and began researching.

"Oh my god it's a TARDIS TEA INFUSER!" Oliver began fan-boying.

"Rofl, this useless box kit," Kyle jabbed a finger at the iPad screen, which was playing an animation of someone turning on a box, and the box _then_ turning itself off. "Ingenious!"

"Let's not get _too_ carried away, shall we?" Darcy looked over Oliver's shoulder. "This useless box thingy is $39.99 rp, you know. "

"Then I'll save up!" the dark brunette vowed.

Darcy sighed, before turning to Oliver. "What about MightyApe? Are the Zelda manga paperbacks in stock?"

Oliver swiped and pressed his finger on the screen a few times, before sadly shaking his head. "They're all out of stock, and they're not gonna restock until next month."

This was the second time Bilbo had ever seen Darcy/Dwalin look so downcast.

They made their way down to the shops. There were some familiar faces, as this place was popular for students on the weekend. The first place they stopped off at was the convenience store, which seemed logical as it was the first shop they saw. Theo instantly made a beeline for the entrance, pursued closely by Darcy and Bailey.

"Theo has a _really _sweet tooth," Dom muttered to him. "When he's on a sugar rampage _no one_ can stop him."

Bilbo shivered, imagining all the carnage the black-haired dwarf would cause for a packet of Natural Confectionary.

"So how many packets of these lollies would he buy?" They walked through the glass sliding doors.

Dom looked at him grimly. "Three to four."

When they reached the confectionary section of the store, Theo, Darcy and Bailey were already there. Theo had something like five packets of different types of Natural Confectionary in his arms, with a bag of Pascal Marshmallows thrown into the mix as well.

"You honestly can't have _all_ of that." Geoff looked at the lollies with something like wonder on his face.

"Yes I can," Theo retorted. "I have enough money."

"Sheesh, Theo," Darcy said. "One's enough, but _five?_ With a bag of marshmallows as well!"

"Don't worry, I'll share," he scoffed in reply. "I'm not _that_ selfish." However, in the end, Theo only bought three packets of Natural Confectionary. But after ten minutes of protesting, they were too tired to stop him from buying the packet of marshmallows as well.

MightyApe was actually the next shop they walked past, but Darcy stalked past the shop window without a second glance. Since he was the only one who wanted to go in the first place, the rest of the Company followed his lead.

The last shop they went into was ThinkGeek, which was met with stares and gasps of awe from the Company. They immediately dived into the shelves, and rummaged for geeky treasures. There was something from every fandom and something for everyone. Even Darcy cheered up a little bit, finding a marshmallow gun, which he aimed at Theo, who cowered in mock fright.

"You will _not_ use my marshmallows for ammo," He held the pink bag protectively to his chest. At that moment, the bell hanging outside the door rang, and Dan stepped in, accompanied by Lana.

"Brother," Dan sighed. "Why do I always find you in morbidly embarrassing positions whenever I see you?"

"Because you always come at the wrong time," Theo took a marshmallow out of the packet and ate it. Bilbo hadn't even noticed him open it. He held it out to his sister. "Marshmallow?"

"Oh please," She reached her hand into the packet, and drew out a pink marshmallow. She swiftly popped it into her mouth and began chewing.

"Hi Dan," Darcy said tentatively. Bilbo noticed he was shuffling his shoes nervously, and his hands were slightly shaking.

"Hi Darcy!" she replied brightly.

"Any news?" Theo seemed oblivious to his friend's sudden awkwardness. Dan glanced around nervously, before leaning to whisper in her brother's ear. Bilbo just heard her reply.

"Damon's been abusing me again."

At once, Darcy stiffened, his hands curling into fists.

"I don't see why you just can't dump him now," Theo hissed back. "He's not worth it."

"I can't! Remember what I told you? He's our only source of information to Thomas."

"But this is getting too dangerous,"

"Relax, brother. I gave him a few bruises back to remember me by. He laughed and told me I was feisty."

"But it's too-"

"Theo, if he's going to rape me, I'll beat him up. I highly doubt he can hold off an angry woman with a black belt in karate."

"Does he actually know about your karate skills?"

Dan hesitated for a moment. "No. Element of surprise, no?"

"So," Bilbo was snapped out of his eavesdropping, and turned to look at Lana, who was speaking to him. "Your name is William, right?"

"Yeah," he replied. _God, this is so awkward. _"But you can call me Bill."

"Bill," She tested the word in her mouth. "You're cute."

_Oh…_Bilbo had never felt more uncomfortable in his life. "Ummm…thanks."

She laughed, a tinkling light sound. "So, what fandom do you belong to?"

"Sherlock BBC." The words were out of his mouth before he knew it. She squealed excitedly, which he found slightly weird.

"Same here! Are you excited for the new series?"

Before he could answer, the shop door opened, and someone stepped in.

"Sorry, I've got to go," he said, trying to ignore the look of hurt in Lana's eyes. "It was nice meeting you." He forced himself to walk away, feeling a slight stab of pain in his heart as he did.

_Is this how Darcy feels when he sees Dan?_ He pushed his mixed feelings away, and concentrated on sneaking up on the new visitor, who was deeply absorbed in manga written entirely in Japanese. He grabbed his shoulders.

"Boo!" he shouted. The reader, a lanky boy with strawberry blonde curls whipped out. Upon seeing Bilbo, a smile spread across his face.

"Bill!" He dropped the manga book and hugged him. According to his memories, Sebastian Drayce had been on exchange to Japan for three months. Bilbo realised that yesterday was the day he was scheduled to come back. They released each other, and Bilbo nodded to the book.

"Still able in languages I see, Sebastian."

"Oh you," He blushed. "Though I can speak fluent Japanese now. That exchange did me good."

"You always were the smartest in our year level." The flush in Sebastian's cheeks reddened. _This is the weirdest encounter so far, _Bilbo thought. _He doesn't remind me of any characters from Middle Earth. I'm only friends with him because my memories say so! I'll ask Mr Grey when I meet him again._

"So what's been happening while I've been in Tokyo?" Sebastian asked. "Still hanging around with Harry and your spiteful cousin?"

Bilbo laughed. "Actually, no. I hang around with the Company now."

He paled visibly. "The Company?"

"Bill!" Theo rounded a shelf, almost knocking a stand of Star Trek DVDs over. "I-"He stopped as his gaze locked with Sebastian's.

"Bill," His voice held a hint of suppressed rage. "Why are you hanging out with Thomas's best friend?"

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**Sebastian Drayce's Middle Earth persona shall be revealed next chapter! Unless you've already guessed ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Quick update! Because I was bored.**

**Warning: Mild swear word mentioned.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Come with me," Theo's iron grip wrapped around Bilbo's wrist, and he dragged the hobbit out of ThinkGeek, where the other dwarves were waiting with the various pieces of merchandise they had bought.

"Did you know him?" His breathing was heavy.

"Yeah…he's one of my primary school friends." Bilbo replied, feeling embarrassed by his sudden departure from talking to Sebastian.

"Well, he was _also_ in our friendship group, remember I told you about that friend last night, the one that was friends with Thomas? He supported him, you know. He spat at me, and called me a freak before he left. He fabricated rumours about me, which led to me losing my position on the student council."

"Oh…" Bilbo was rather unsure of what to say. "Does that mean we can still be frie-"

"NO."

"Okay, okay, chill." Bilbo put his hands up, as Theo continued to glare at him.

"Ah, so nice to see you being such _great _friends," He broke off his scowl, as Mr Grey approached them, a plastic bag with the logo of the convenience store on it. He nodded to Theo's plastic bag. "Been grocery shopping, I see." It was obvious he was lying, as the top of the Pascal Marshmallows packet was clearly sticking out of the bag.

Before Theo could correct him, Mr Grey spoke again. And everyone knows how _rude_ it is to interrupt a teacher. "I'm very sorry to interrupt your shopping spree…" He swept a gaze at the marshmallow gun Darcy was holding, and the tea infuser Oliver was clutching. "But there's someone I'd like you to meet."

"Who is?" Kyle looked sceptical. "I don't see anyone with you."

Mr Grey used his thumb to point in the direction of the convenience store. "He's in there."

Suddenly, the glass sliding doors opened, and a man in a brown suit stumbled out, carrying a green, eco-friendly bag full of what looked like mushrooms. He had a scraggly beard and an expression of bewilderment on his face, which Bilbo thought looked permanent.

"Isaac!" The man stopped in front of Mr Grey and huffed. "I thought I lost you in the store! I couldn't find you in the aisles.

"That's because I was outside," he replied impatiently. "Like I said."

Oscar narrowed his eyes at the teacher, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "You want us…to meet my Biology teacher?"

_So that's why he looks so familiar!_ As well as guessing that his Middle Earth persona was Radagast, he had also seen him around the Science Department when he went to ask his own Biology teacher some questions.

"Well, yes," Mr Grey said, in a very matter-of-fact way. "To those who don't know, this is Mr Brown. Mr Brown, these are the students I was talking to you about."

"Ah, I see," He nodded, his eyes gleaming with interest. Bilbo wondered if he remembered Middle Earth.

_He probably does, since he's a wizard, and wizards are so bad-ass_.

"So what do you boys study?" Mr Brown asked. As he distracted the dwarves, Bilbo seized the opportunity to talk with Mr Grey.

"By the way," he fingered the edge of his woollen jumper. "I met someone today, according to my memories he's a friend. Does Sebastian Drayce ring a bell?"

"My dear fellow," Mr Grey murmured. "You know I am not the one who made up these memories?"

"What?"

"I simply sent you to an alternate universe. The memories are simply created judging by what the person has done. Even I was a little surprised by _my_ memories."

"That's seriously weird," Bilbo said. At that moment, Sebastian walked out of ThinkGeek, a few manga paperbacks underneath his arm.

"Sebastian, listen," Bilbo started.

"It's okay," He waved it off. "You were taken out against your will. But take heed," He lowered his voice to a whisper. "The Company are troublemakers." He straightened up, and resumed his normal tone. "Good day Bill, and _Mr Grey._" He tipped his head slightly to acknowledge his principal, and set off at a brisk pace down the street.

"Very interesting," the wizard mused.

"What's so interesting?" Bilbo hated how Gandalf would make an observation, but not say how he got that observation, to make the situation seem more suspenseful and mysterious.

"Well, if I am correct, then Mr Drayce is actually Smaug."

Bilbo's head turned so fast, he heard a snap in his neck, which he ignored. "I made friends _with a dragon?"_

"It does explain Theo's rivalry with him," Mr Grey continued. "And his surname. _Dragon indeed."_

"That's seriously weird," Bilbo's head was spinning slightly. "Like, this is the weirdest thing I've heard in my time here."

"Like I said, I don't make the memories," Mr Grey shrugged. "Even _I _have to guess who's who."

"Ooh!" Bilbo turned to see Mr Brown inspecting the TARDIS tea infuser Oliver had bought.

"I am a _huge_ Doctor Who fan," he was telling the dwarf. "How much does this cost?"

"Percy," Mr Grey shouted to the teacher. "Could you come over please?"

Mr Brown handed the silver object back to Oliver and raced over.

"Oh, I have a request," Bilbo marvelled at how the erratic wizard could change the subject of a conversation as if he was changing clothes. "It's about that new teacher."

"Who, Mr Morte?"

"Yes, I think he's been doing…" he cast a sideway glance at Bilbo. "…Illegal stuff."

"It's okay, Radagast," Mr Grey said. "Bill-or well, _Bilbo_, retains his memories."

"Phew!" Radagast let out a huge sigh. "It's hard work calling you Isaac."

"Anyway, what about this new teacher?"

Radagast paused, most likely for dramatic effect. "…I think he's the Necromancer of Dol Guldur."

"Of course he is!" Gandalf scoffed. "I can't just sack him, can I? The other teachers will be wondering." He began ranting.

"I've seen him practise necromancy."

Gandalf stopped his rant mid-sentence. "What? Have you seen? On what?"

"Dead possums," Mr Brown said. "He does it in Lab 46, when he thinks no one is looking. He can do little stuff, like make the possum open and close its eyes-

"Little!?" Mr Grey exclaimed. "That's huge!"

"That's not the point," Now Mr Brown was sounding impatient. "The thing is, his magic is getting more and more powerful."

"But since he can do magic…" Mr Grey's brow furrowed. "Does that mean we can too?"

"Of course! I still have my ability to speak with animals! I can also heal the odd mouse or two-"

"Wait," Bilbo was slowly getting more befuddled by the second. "So, do _all_ the wizards have their memories?"

"Well, _all_ the powerful beings, that is," Mr Grey explained. "I shall not tell you how we all got sent here, but all the powerful beings in Middle Earth managed to sense coming here, and used a bit of magic to retain their memories."

"Whoof!" Mr Brown waved a hand across his face, as if brushing a fly away. "It completely drained _my_ magic!"

"The only reason _you_ have retained your memories," Mr Grey continued. "Was because I managed to cast a spell on you, as well as myself, to stop you from losing your memories. It completely drained my magic."

"In fact, we aren't even here," Mr Brown said. "It's actually our mind experiencing it, so, in a way, we are _still _in Middle Earth."

"I-"Bilbo wanted to protest at how confusing this all was, but his eye caught a peculiar sight. There, a few shops down, stood Sebastian. He was talking to a group of boys, all with cruel, twisted faces. Sebastian seemed to be gesturing a lot with his free hand, and pointing towards-

_The Company_.

"Excuse me, sorry, I have to go," he stammered to the wizards. "Orc trouble."

"I see," Mr Grey said, seeing the 'orcs' head up towards them. "You're dismissed."

Bilbo quickly nodded his thanks, and raced up to Theo. He tapped him on the shoulder, and pointed to the boys rapidly closing the distance between them.

"Guys," he shouted to the others. "We have trouble!"

"Crap," Darcy swore, staring wildly at his surroundings. "Where do we go?"

"Back to the school!" Oliver was already backing away. "We'll have at least _some_ protection there!"

"Okay move, MOVE," Theo ushered them all up the street, back in the direction they came from. "If we're fast enough, we can run to our dorms."

Bilbo sneaked a look over his shoulder at Sebastian, who was hurrying down the street, his back turned to the Company. He felt a slight pang of sadness at how old friendships could be broken.

_ And at what cost?_

"Bill hurry up!" Theo reached out and dragged him along. "You're such a slow runner!"

"I don't do sport!" he huffed. "I'm not as fit as any of you guys!"

"Just hurry up," The King under the Mountain brushed the hair away from his eyes. "Maybe if we manage to get out of this unscathed, I'll take you to the gym."

"Deal."

The Company raced up the hill where the school was situated at the top of it. It was hard work, as it was a pretty steep hill.

"They're gaining on us!" Bruno shouted frantically. They had managed to run into the school building already, but the orcs were showing no signs of slowing down.

"Oh, to be attacked twice in a row." Nathan lamented.

"They'll catch us before the lift will go," Geoffrey panted. "We'll have to take the stairs!"

"To the stairs!" They switched the direction they were travelling in, and headed for the school staircases, which they ran up, two at a time. Since hardly anyone took the stairs due to laziness (Bilbo wasn't even aware they existed), they didn't have the extra work of weaving around people as they ran up.

"I seriously need a breather." Kyle clutched his sides, as they reached the third floor. As if in response, one of the classroom doors opened, and a brown haired girl popped her head out, a pink and silver rose clip stuck into the brown strands. Bilbo wanted to marvel at how someone could wear something so fake and tacky, but now was not the time.

"Inside!" she hissed. "Unless you'd rather be bashed up by Alan's minions?"

The Company responded immediately, wasting no time to file into the classroom, where a group of girls and boys alike were sitting in a circle. A teacher was standing in front of the whiteboard, writing Latin terms in a blue marker.

"You're lucky we're having our Latin club today," their rescuer snapped. "Otherwise you'd be in big trouble."

"Yes, thanks for pointing that out, Olivia." Bilbo retorted. He did know her. In fact, he knew _everyone_, as they were all did Latin classes in various grades. But only when the teacher turned around, did he know who it was.

_Elrond_.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**To those who don't know, Percy (Radagast's Earth name) is Sylvester McCoy's real name. In fact, his full real name is Percy James Patrick Kent-Smith. Sylvester McCoy is his stage name.**

**And to the non-Whovians (and to others that don't know), Sylvester McCoy also plays the Seventh Doctor, hence the DW fascination :) Also, these are all real products in an actual shop. ThinkGeek has some pretty cool stuff.**

**Just thought you'd ought to know that ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Ooh...it's a short chapter. Which means quicker updates, right? ;)**

**Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO THOSE WHO HAVE HAD HAPPY NEW YEAR! IF YOU HAVEN'T...WELL...HAPPY LAST DAY OF 2013!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"I just received a text from Mr Grey," Elrond reached his hand into his pockets and withdrew a Blackberry. "He told me to expect a newcomer into the Latin club. However, Mr Baker, I did not expect you to bring friends along."

Judging by the expression on his face, Bilbo knew he was expecting the Company. He probably also remembered as well, since he was a powerful being in Middle Earth.

"Can we get on with it?" a boy asked. "The club meeting's about to end, and I'm not leaving without translating this paragraph."

"Of course," the elf said with infinite patience. "Bill, maybe you and your friends could just quietly observe at the back of the classroom until this is over. Maybe you could pick up something along the way as well."

"Sure. Guys, let's sit down." Bilbo instructed the dwarves to sit at the back of the classroom and watch, as Elrond explained a few terms to the class.

"So," He squinted at the whiteboard. "If I'm right…he's translating Homer."

"Homer? The Simpson guy?" Flynn asked, looking baffled.

Bilbo sighed. "You seriously need to have some History lessons. Homer was the famous Greek poet and storyteller."

"Weird, huh?" The blonde nudged his brother who was staring at something.

"Yeah, weird." He mumbled, not taking his eyes of what he was staring at. Bilbo followed his gaze, and had to supress a chuckle.

The thing, or _person, _he was looking at was Olivia.

This was the best time to toy with the young dwarf. Leaning over, he whispered in his ear. "Olivia's nice looking, isn't she?"

"Yeah, he breathed. "She's _radiant_."

_Oh god, I'm gonna start laughing soon_. "So, is this the first time you've seen her?"

"Uh huh." he replied dreamily. Olivia looked up, and saw him looking at her. She lowered her head, and batted her eyelashes. Kyle winked in reply. Bilbo knew she would break his heart—her long string of boyfriends was proof enough.

It was time to end it.

"Kyle, I slept with your mum."

"Cool…wait, what?" This seemed to snap Kyle out of his daydream

"Listen Kyle," Flynn placed a hand on the brunette's shoulder. He had been watching their exchange, almost collapsing in a silent fit of laughter. "You have _zilch_ chance, brother."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "She so beautiful, she's probably got high standards."

"That's…not the point," Bilbo said. "You see, she's had a _long_ string of boyfriends."

"What?"

"_And _she's in year eleven, whereas _you_ are in year nine."

"No chance, fancy-pants." Flynn was struggling to hold back his laughter. Kyle was looking so downcast, that Bilbo decided to cheer him up.

"Hey, did you see Darcy and Dan today?"

This seemed to make him happy again. "Oh my god, it is _soooooo_ obvious that Darcy likes her."

"What about Dan liking him?"

"I don't know."

"C'mon, that exchange was so love-filled," Flynn ruffled his hair. "I'm pretty sure Dan digs him."

"I even have a _ship_ name," Kyle motioned his hands in a way as if he was imagining a banner across the sky. "_Darcyelle_."

"That is so sweet and adorable," Bilbo smiled. "Does Theo know?"

"I don't think so," Flynn replied. "Our cousin is too dense to understand love when he sees it. But if he did, we have mixed feelings about his reaction."

"I think that Theo would personally want to be the priest at their wedding." Kili nodded seriously.

"And what about you?" Bilbo turned to the blonde, who shrugged.

"I think that Theo would skin Darcy and make a jacket."

The hobbit gulped. "Violent, much?"

"C'mon, this is _old_ news," Kyle's eyes widened. "What was going on between you and Lana earlier?"

_What? _"N-n-nothing." he stammered.

"You sound like a lovesick fool, Bill!" Flynn teased lightly. "Are you sure?"

"Yep," This time, Bilbo made sure he sounded firm. "Nothing going on between us. I just want to be friends."

"Oh," He looked disappointed. "But if you eve-"

"FRIENDS."

"Bill," Elrond walked up to him, eyeing the brothers as he did. "Would you like to introduce me to your friends?"

"Sure, Mr Eldeston." Bilbo just realised that the Latin club members had left.

"So this is Flynn, Kyle, Oscar, Geoffrey, Bailey, Darcy, Boris, Blake, Bruno, Dominic, Nathan, Oliver and Theo." He rattled off names one by one, indicating the said person as he did.

"And you were running away from…" The elf tipped his head.

"Alan Davies—well, his friends." Bilbo replied. Mr Eldeston immediately looked troubled, and began pacing around the classroom.

"What does the student council say about this?" he asked. "Have they done anything to help you?"

"No," Theo's voice was a growl. "They don't _like _us."

"But the students elect their council leaders. It is not a contest of po-"

"Yes it is." Theo cut through Mr Eldeston, which earned a surprised gasp from Oliver.

_ No one interrupts a teacher, _Bilbo thought.

The teacher seemed unfazed by this. He sighed, clearly thinking about other things. "I remember when the student council was a simple idea brought forward by Mr Grey," he said. "He said it would teach the students to gain responsibility and confidence. There was much discussing, and we had a small vote."

"Of course, there were more votes to bring in the student council." Geoffrey said.

"That decision only won by a single vote," Mr Eldeston continued. "I myself voted against it, for these particular reasons. The decision split the teachers apart. Colleague turned on colleague. I think there was a resignation of protest."

"And this," Oscar gestured to Mr Eldeston. "Is an example of adults acting like petty children."

"Very true," he nodded. "Of course, we all got over it, an-"He was interrupted by the sound of crickets chirping. The Company exchanged baffled looks that disappeared when he pulled out his Blackberry and pressed a few buttons on it. He put it back into his pocket.

"Who was it?" Kyle asked eagerly.

"Mr Grey," Mr Eldeston replied. "He was asking if you were alright."

"Bit late for that," Bilbo heard Flynn whisper to his neighbour. "It's been 30 minutes."

"I replied that you were safe and sound," he continued. "And I highly doubt Alan Davies's friends have been waiting outside the classroom door-"

Darcy snorted.

"-This whole time, so you may all go." He walked over to the classroom door and opened it. The dwarves filed out, with Bilbo going out last. As he walked through, Mr Eldeston whispered to him.

"You are very welcome to join the Latin club, _Mr Baggins._"

"What was that all about?" Theo asked as he caught up to him.

"Oh you know," He waved a hand. "He's just trying to make me join the Latin club."

"And will you?" Theo smiled.

"No way," Bilbo shuddered. "Then Kyle would be badgering me left right and centre! Your cousin had a small crush on one of the girls in there for the time period we were in there."

Theo's sudden expression change was frightening yet amusing. "A…small crush?"

Bilbo laughed. "Don't worry, I steered him off it pretty quickly. You know, the girl that saved us?"

"That rose in her hair made me want to barf."

'"Hey, jeez," Bilbo crossed his arms and frowned. "I really like flowers."

"Oh, sorry." Theo looked abashed.

"Jokes. I agree with you—it was ghastly."

They had a good laugh about it as they made their way up the stairs.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**So just to confirm, Elrond is Mr Eldeston. Olivia is the elf Kili/Kyle flirts with in Rivendell ^^**


	12. Chapter 12

**I think this is by far my most favourite chapter to write :) **

**Warning: Mentions of swearing, and Bailey sass xD**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

It was 10:45 when the dwarves began heading to the school hall. Bilbo had followed, wondering what they were doing.

"It's the student council meeting," Geoffrey scoffed. "Do you live in a hole or something?"

Bilbo was about to protest that he _did_ live in a hole, but thought better of it, and instead, pestered Theo about what happened at the meetings.

"These meetings happen every two months, so as to make them as busy and interesting as possible. The first thing they'll do is update us with the latest news," he hissed, as they made their way to the hall. "And then they'll ask if any students need certain resources, like a new textbook or something. If someone does, make sure there's at least some money in your pockets, because then someone will pass around a money box. That is, if they agree that they could spend the money on that certain thing. And _then_ they'll ask for complaints."

"We're planning to bring up what happened yesterday," Kyle whispered. "It would seem stupid for them to think that was a minor problem."

"Have you ever brought up these problems before?"

"Well…no. We didn't want to seem like tattletales." Theo replied, rather sheepishly.

"Stubborn dwarves," Bilbo muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Hey guys, what's up?" Blake pulled up next to Kyle.

"We're speaking about _the plan_." Theo responded.

"We'll be _fine!"_ Blake fiddled with his hat. "What could possibly go wrong?"

Kyle looked at Blake. "Okay, we're screwed now,"

"Why?"

"Because you said _the words_."

When they arrived at the hall, the dwarves were surprised to see Mr Grey and a few other teachers sitting at the back, casually observing the stage as a few words were exchanged between them.

"Oh," Theo was looking puzzled. "Weird,"

"What's wrong?" Bilbo headed to the back of the hall to grab a plastic chair.

"Teachers don't usually attend the student council meetings," Blake explained, looking as bewildered. "They usually let us do our own stuff."

"Which is why this school is in total disarray," Theo savagely wrenched two chairs apart, and gave the other one to Dom. "They must've finally had some sense."

Bilbo tried to discern who was who out of the teachers. Mr Grey was there, chatting calmly with a woman whose blonde hair hung around her shoulders like a wavy curtain.

_Ms Weiss,_ he thought, as she talked back to Mr Grey, poised like a swan. He turned his attention to the other two teachers, who looked as if they were forcing themselves to talk. Mr Eldeston was one of them, exchanging words with a man wearing a dark, pinstripe suit and a neatly clipped beard.

"That's Mr Stonewell," Theo muttered to him. "He teaches Law. I know cause's he my teacher."

"He's such a poop, isn't he?" Bailey agreed. Bilbo tried to suppress his laughter at Bailey's use of the word 'poop'. The Company tried to bring their chairs as close to front as they could, but only could go as close as the middle of the hall. As they positioned their chairs, the people they were sitting behind turned around.

"Hey," one of them smirked. "I think I've got something for you," He reached into his pocket, and took it out, sticking the middle finger up.

"Whoops!" he said in mock surprise, as his friends laughed and high-fived.

"Very witty," Blake said sarcastically, as Bailey did the Vulcan salute at them, which Bilbo found a bit confusing. When the boys exchanged baffled looks and turned on the Company, Bailey immediately switched it into the middle finger.

"It's his trademark," Theo explained. "Don't question it."

The hall soon began to fill up with students. It became extremely packed, but no one minded as it was a bit chilly outside. A steady babble of noise was built, but it almost instantly died down as the student council representatives walked in.

"I'll fill you in on what positions there are," Theo hissed as they sat down on already provided chairs. "So you can get a bit familiar with them."

"So the student council positions are eligible to the year 12s and 13s, however, each year level has class captains, one magazine prefect to help collect photos and stuff for the school yearbook, and one SC representative. "

"And then there are the senior positions. So there's the sport, music, drama, visual arts, environments, school magazine, LOTE, house captains and then the school leaders! And then there are representatives for the school clubs."

"Wow," Bilbo's head was spinning.

"And then there are two leaders for each position, a boy and a girl, which equals more opportunities." Theo continued.

"So, which position were _you _kicked out of again?"

Theo's face dropped. "SC year level representative."

"The student council meeting has commenced," The speaker was a boy with pale, blonde hair and blue eyes. Whereas Theo's eyes were like cool water on a hot day, his were like chips of ice. The girl sitting next to him had light brown hair and blue eyes set in a stern yet kind face. Their hands were touching slightly as they sat.

"They're quite the power couple," Bilbo heard Oliver whisper. "Thomas and Leah."

_So this is Thomas Green,_ Bilbo thought, as he began talking about events of the week. He started off by announcing student and staff birthdays (there were two) and then began talking about the year 11 and 12 formal. He noticed Darcy lean forward eagerly as Leah spoke.

"The formal will be held in two months' time, on the 17th of August, which is a Wednesday night, "she said. "Year 11s and 12s will be dismissed at 12:30 on that day, to allow time to…get ready."

"Formal month is so hectic," Theo chuckled. "For girls, anyway. They usually try to secure a date even before the date of the _formal _is secured."

"I assume you all have someone to go with." Leah smiled, before nodding to Thomas to speak.

"Does anyone else have news?" he asked.

"We are pleased to announce we have a new double bass and a piano," The female music captain announced.

"And there is new sporting equipment as well." The female sport captain said, refusing to be outdone by the female music captain.

"Ladies," Thomas held up a hand. "Settle down. What about from the club leaders?"

"We will not be having archery club next week," said a dark haired boy with a serious face. "Due to the-"he let out a string of colourful swear words, before ending with "-storms."

Bilbo heard Kyle repeat a word the boy used and a _thwack_ where Flynn slapped his brother on the arm.

"Thank you, Harper, for increasing our vocabulary every two months," Thomas said icily, which triggered an amused tittering around the hall. "Anything else?"

"Also, Latin club will be in F06, not T20 next week." A boy, who Bilbo knew as Lindon from his Latin classes, announced.

The announcements were long, boring, and didn't concern Bilbo at all. It seemed that even some of the Company members were bored as well. He saw Oliver slip a note to Darcy, who unfolded it and scribbled a reply. As he passed it back, Bilbo caught a glimpse of it.

"Hey," he nudged Theo. "What language are Oliver and Darcy writing in? Is it Arabic or something?"

He chuckled in reply. "No, it's a Company secret. Only _we_ can write in it, and understand it."

"Wow," Bilbo breathed. "When could I learn it?"

"In a year,"

"Why?"

"Shhh, Thomas is speaking now."

_Like he cares about what Thomas is saying, _Bilbo thought mutinously, as the blonde spoke.

"Okay, is that it? Well then, moving onto the donations," Thomas said. "Does anyone require something?"

"I do," a boy with blonde and blue eyes, very similar in looks to Thomas, stood up. "I would like the money to buy some recycling bins for the school."

"Stupid Leo," Theo growled. "This school doesn't need more recycle bins. But since they're cousins," he turned to Bilbo. "Thomas will give him what he wants."

"An excellent idea," Thomas nodded to Leo. "Miranda, Lucas, Pete, please collect the donation boxes and pass them around. Remember, _everyone_ must donate."

There was a shuffling of clothes as everyone got their wallets out.

"How much do we have to pay?" someone shouted.

"Let's say everyone donates two dollars," Leo replied. "I'm not sure how much they cost, but we will ask for more if necessary."

Bilbo stopped as he opened his wallet. _Crap_.

"What's wrong?" Thorin withdrew a shiny, two dollar coin.

"I've only got a dollar in my wallet," he whispered furiously. The donation was coming along their row now, under the watchful eye of the prefect. "I'm stuffed."

"Here," Boris grunted, tossing him a coin. "Use this. You don't have to pay me back."

Bilbo caught the coin, and put it in the box as it was passed around. When the prefect had moved on, he whispered, "Thanks."

"It's what friends are for." Came the quiet reply.

After a short while, the boxes made their way back to the stage, heavy and clinking with coins.

"Lots of money," Thomas placed the box in Leo's arms. "Make sure you spend it wisely."

"Now, any complaints?" Leah asked. Before Theo could stand up, someone else did. She had a pale, elegant face and sweeping red hair tied into a ponytail.

"Someone's been vandalising the girl's toilets," she said. "Throwing wet wads onto the roofs and walls and letting them stick there, as well as people leaving…sanitary napkins around. Clean ones, but it's a shameful waste."

"I see, Lily," Leah nodded, and the girl sat down. She turned to one of the girls sitting with her. "Hattie, I trust you to get to the bottom of this, as the environments prefect."

"Of course," Hattie dipped her head.

"Now, any other complaints?"

This time, Theo stood up. All eyes were trained on him, as he spoke.

"Theodore Johnson," Thomas said, with cold politeness. "To whom do we owe this pleasure?"

"Thomas," Theo started. "There is a serious problem we must discuss concerning me and my friends."

"Go on," Thomas said, looking bored.

"You see-"The next events were something no one was expecting. As Theo spoke, a loud wailing sound punctured through his speech, drowning him out. It was so piercing, Bilbo covered his ears.

"What's happening!?" he shouted, as half the students abandoned their chairs and ran off.

"It's the fire alarm!" Blake tried to pull him along. "It means there's a fire in the school!"

Theo was fuming as he ran. "At that time it had to happen. At that time," he began swearing.

"It's all your fault," Kyle said seriously. "If you had never said those words…"

"It's not my fault I was born like this!" Blake said in mock sadness. "Blame my parents."

As they argued, Bilbo looked behind him to see the teacher's reactions. They looked utterly confused.

_Which means it isn't a fire drill_.

The students were already milling around the oval when they arrived, which was the emergency meeting point if there was a fire. Everyone sat down in lines, as a teacher read out names on a clipboard.

Bilbo, Theo, Darcy, Dom, Boris and Oscar said goodbye to the others, and joined their year level sitting on the grass.

"You think it's a fire drill?" Oscar asked, lazily stretching his legs out.

"You think those guys are dressing up as firemen and driving around in a fire truck for fun?" Dom nodded to the men in the fluoro yellow coats, which Bilbo just noticed. "I don't think so."

"They would usually warn us," Boris said. "And it seems really weird they'd dump this on us during a student council meeting. How did the teachers react?"

"Surprised," Bilbo remembered. "So it's not a fire drill."

"It's an actual fire." Darcy nodded grimly.

Theo had not said an entire word throughout this time, only when he swore in the hall.

"Hey," Darcy reached out to comfort him. "We'll tell them in the next meeting."

"Yeah," Theo said, sounding distant. "Whatever."

"Hello there," They turned around to see Bert leering at them.

"Hello there," Boris said calmly. "Come to get bashed up? We'll do it for free."

"Tempting, but I'll pass." Bert looked at Theo. "You should be grateful, you know."

Theo looked up. If eyes were weapons, Bert would've been skewered. "For what?"

Bert sighed. "It's very hard to skip a student council meeting, you know. And then I had to press the _fire alarm…_"

"YOU DID WHAT!?" Darcy growled, which sent Bert scurrying away.

The dwarves and Bilbo exchanged a look. They were all thinking of the same word in their minds.

And that word started with f.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**So Thomas Green is Thranduil, Leo is Legolas (though Thomas and Leo are cousins), Harper is Bard (I wanted to make him sound pessimistic and stuff), Leah is meant to be Thranduil's wife, Ms Weiss is Galadriel, Mr Stonewell is Saruman, Hattie's a random and Lily is someone ^^**

**Background info: The name 'Bard' means 'Poet', so when choosing his name, I chose 'Harper' because it means 'Musician', but mainly a harp player :) so yeah...they're connected because they're both names to do with performing.**

**Now, with Galadriel's name. Since _weiss_ means 'White' in German...you can see the connection there, can't you?**

**Now, replying to guest reviews, since I forgot to do it o_O sorry!**

**TheHobbitFanatic: Yes and no. 'Tributes' is what the Hunger Games fans call themselves. It's a bit weird, though. I think they should be called H-Gamers or something, I don't know. I hope that was the answer you were looking for :)**

**To all other guest reviewers (and users): Thank you so much for reviewing! It totes makes my day xD!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Yay, I have a sleep-over tomorrow with my closest friends xD**

**Warning: Mentions of a rude word (but it's not that rude, don't worry)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Of course, as all the year 12s of the Company knew, the fire was a hoax. This caused slight confusion and a lot of general annoyance to the anonymous person that pressed the fire alarm.

"To think about it, they shouldn't even be that annoyed," Bailey remarked. "When I was in my first year, someone actually _fell_ on the fire alarm. Caused quite a riot!"

"They didn't purposefully press it though, did they?" Flynn said glumly. As soon as the teachers let them go, they had rushed to tell the others.

"Well, no."

"Actually, I have a problem with this," Dom said, clearly irritated. "What kind of _idiot_ would tell the people he hated the most that he purposely pressed the fire alarm?"

"An idiot," Blake shrugged. "Duh."

"He probably just wanted the satisfaction of seeing us duped," Bilbo said, disgusted at Bert's actions. "Stupid trolls."

"Hey, this reminds me," Theo turned to Bilbo. The dwarf was feeling a lot happier after ranting for ten minutes straight about Bert and everyone else he hated, mixed with some swear words that Bilbo presumed he picked up from Harper. However rude the rant was, it calmed him down.

"You promised me that you'd go to the gym," Theo's eyes were the colour of the sky. "You better fulfil it."

"Oh yeah," Bilbo said, disgruntled.

"In fact, I have a better idea," Theo continued.

_Seriously, _Bilbo thought. _Thorin in an extremely happy mood is creepy_. "Why don't we take you on a club crawl?"

"A club crawl? Like a… pub crawl?"

"Well, yeah, sort of. But with clubs, and no drinking."

Bilbo suddenly had the fleeting image of ladies dancing in a neon bar. "So…what do you do in a club crawl?"

"Well…I just made it up on the spot, but basically, you just go to the clubs _we_ like and go to, and see if _you_ like any of the stuff we like, and then you could join the club!"

_Phew!_ "It sounds harmless." He looked up at Theo. "How long will it go for?"

"A month," Theo grinned evilly. "Starting with the gym."

And thus the club crawl began.

It started the next afternoon. As soon as Bilbo stepped out of the classroom door, freed of his last period, he had noticed Theo and Darcy waiting outside of the classroom door, grinning manically. They seized him, an arm each, and dragged him to the gym.

"How did you get here so quick!?" Bilbo babbled.

"Free period." Darcy said.

The gym was already filled with boys of different ages working out. The majority of them had their tops off, which Bilbo found uncomfortable and slightly disturbing.

"We don't have to take our tops off, do we?" he asked nervously.

"No," Theo said, grinning at his discomfort. "But you can if you want to." And in a flash, his top was off. Bilbo flinched, then realised he had a black tank top on underneath.

Darcy emerged from the change rooms, a water bottle in his hand and a towel in the other. "Let's get working."

Needless to say, every bone in Bilbo's body was aching by the end of the session. Theo and Darcy had drilled and pushed him in every activity and exercise possible. Weight lifting, crunches, push ups, running up and down the gym steps—they commanded it, he did it.

"Oh god, I feel my back is going to break," Bilbo moaned.

"Good!" Darcy said cheerfully. "It means you've worked yourself today!"

"Also, here's a timetable," Theo slapped a piece of folded paper into his hands. "It's filled with all the clubs you're going to go to each day and what time, so we wouldn't have to fetch you. However, being a good friend, and slightly doubting that you'd be willingly come along, we're gonna get you anyway."

Bilbo unfolded the paper and stared at it. His heart sank as he read it.

"I only have two free afternoons each week!" he shouted. "Two afternoons!"

"Hey! It took me ages to colour code that, you know," Theo said, looking hurt. "Plus, some of these clubs are one-off things, so if you particularly hate an activity, there's a 50-50 chance you might not have to do it again."

"And is the gym a one-off thing?" Bilbo asked hopefully.

"No, absolutely not." Theo said firmly.

"WAKE UP!"

Bilbo rolled over in his bed, and buried his face into the pillow in protest. This did nothing to abate the loud pounding on his dorm door and the incoming shouts.

"WILLIAM BAKER GET UP OR I WILL BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN AND YOU'LL HAVE TO ANSWER TO THE STUDENT COUNCIL WHY YOUR DORM DOOR IS BROKEN!"

That morning, Bilbo played football.

"That was a one-off thing, right?" Bilbo asked, as he wearily ate his fried eggs.

"Yep," Darcy nodded, "But you still have gym training in the afternoon. We're gonna take you three times a week, for one hour. Tomorrow, you get to rest."

"Yes!"

"But you're still doing soccer," Theo said, not looking up from his plate.

"But…you don't play soccer," Bilbo said hesitantly. Theo looked up from his plate and sighed.

"Bill, if you ever read your timetable, it'll have _Dom's_ name next to it."

Bilbo got out his timetable and looked at it, horrified. "Dom does soccer?"

"Yes, and he's quite good at it too." Darcy poked his breakfast.

As the month progressed, Bilbo found himself doing things he had never done before, and so many activities too! He tried out a different range of sports, as well as trying his hand in textiles, cooking, acting, and even saying a few simple phrases in French! But as well as (sometimes) having fun, he picked up quite a lot of new skills. But possibly his most favourite activity happened on the last day of the month.

"So, you excited this is all gonna be over?" Theo asked, as he, Bilbo, Darcy, Bailey, Flynn, Blake and Kyle made their way to a place they wouldn't tell Bilbo. In fact, they had to go to an entirely separate building.

"Well, I did have fun," Bilbo said, trying to choose his words carefully. "But I certainly won't miss being locked in a classroom."

During one of the activities, Nathan, as a "good experience", locked him in a classroom with nothing but a hairpin. But paying attention to what Nathan had told him earlier about lock picking, he'd managed to get out in five minutes, and chased a laughing Nathan up to his dorm. Naturally, the news spread through the Company.

"Well, I think you're gonna enjoy this one," Darcy said. "We basically live on this stuff."

"Please tell me where we're going," Bilbo said desperately.

"Well, we're here anyway," They stopped outside a large, white building. Flynn marched up the stone steps, and pushed open the door, flourishing his arm like a circus master as he did.

"Welcome to the music halls."

As soon as Bilbo stepped inside, he was hit by a wall of noise. From what looked like every room, a different instrument was being practised in there. The walls were whitewashed, and the carpet a rich, dark green. On the walls hung photos of various ensembles over the years. The most recent one showed Thorin, Darcy, Blake, Bailey, Flynn and Kyle beaming back at him.

"Wow," Bilbo said in awe. "So is this the place where you go to do lessons?"

"Yep," Blake said. "And to practise in our ensembles."

"We'll be here to teach you the basic facts about our instruments," Kyle's eyes were twinkling. "We should get our stuff first, though."

They went into a room which was cluttered with shelves of instrument cases. They moved around, shouting to each other if they had found their instruments. Soon, most of them had a black instrument case in one arm (Blake with two cases), and a black folder in the other.

"This is where we'd keep our music sheets," Bilbo noticed that Theo didn't have an instrument case with him. "If you never bring these to an ensemble rehearsal, you're kinda stuffed."

They followed Theo to a room devoid of anything but a lone object in the corner covered with a green velvet cloth and a piano. They immediately flung their cases down (gently) and began taking out their instruments. Theo withdrew to the corner, and pulled the velvet cloth off, revealing a beautiful golden harp. Bilbo turned around to see Darcy and Bailey holding violas, Flynn and Kyle holding violins, and Blake holding a clarinet.

"We'll tell you stuff as we do it," Theo dragged out a chair and placed it behind his harp. "Does anyone need to tune?"

They nodded.

"Bilbo, could you go over to the piano and press an A?"

He nodded and went over to the piano. He gulped. _These keys all look the same!_

"Ummm…"

Darcy hurried over to save him, and pointed out a white note "Press that." He said.

"Okay," Bilbo pressed the note with all his might. At once, Kyle began playing the same note on his violin. Even though it sounded perfectly fine to him, Kyle frowned, and twiddled with the black knobs on his instrument. When he was satisfied, Flynn began tuning. They all did this in turn, until they were all satisfied with the sound their instrument was making.

"This is when we tune," Theo explained. "It happens at the beginning of the first piece we play. Usually we'd tune to the oboe, or the concert master, who is meant to be the best violin player, but it's easier to tune to the piano."

Then they began playing a piece. It wasn't a song Bilbo was familiar with, but he found it enchanting all the same. He marvelled at how the instruments worked together to create this beautiful sound.

When they finished playing, they lowered their instruments (save Theo, who lowered his hands) and looked at Bilbo expectantly.

"No words," he said. "Absolutely no words."

"Did you recognise the song?" Blake asked eagerly. He shook his head.

Instantly, the corners of his hat drooped, and his face dropped. "You serious?"

"Well, it did sound familiar," Bilbo tried to remember. "Didn't Susan Boyle sing it?"

Instantly, Blake and Theo facepalmed, as Kyle and Flynn looked on with incredulity.

"Doesn't the name, 'Les Misérables', ring a bell?" Darcy said, his eyes wide.

"Nope."

Darcy shook his head and sighed. "You are one, hopeless bugger, William Baker."

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**Someone actually fell on the fire alarm at my school. They got into tons of trouble xD**

**By the way, I'm a huge 'Les Misérables' since I watched the movie in 2012. Got me hooked onto musicals.**


	14. Chapter 14

***Sigh* just slowly counting down the days of when I have to go back to school.**

**Warning: Mentions of a rude word (but it's not that rude, don't worry)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Finally, that month was over. The month of the club crawl. And in that time, Bilbo had picked up photography (from Flynn), calligraphy (from Oliver), cooking (from Bruno), and gave Theo and the other musical members of the Company a shock when he asked if they offered piano lessons at the school! Bailey had immediately hauled him along to meet the piano teacher, a lady with a kind face, and they arranged piano lessons to be every Tuesday afternoon.

But this month was extremely busy. Not for Bilbo, but the school. It was—

"Formal month," Theo said grimly, in the tone he reserved for saying words like 'elves' or 'Thomas Green'. "The most hectic and chaotic time of the year."

Indeed, Theo was right. Everyone was freaking out, especially the girls. The whispers in the corridors that subsided when a boy got near, and the hysterical giggles of the girls when they talked to boys.

_It's extremely annoying_, he thought. _It's not like we're aliens_.

Even the teachers were getting extremely annoyed. They had to constantly shut them up during class (not like anybody objected to that) and they were constantly being swarmed by girls begging to be let out to go to the shops. Every time Bilbo saw Mr Grey in the corridors, he was being dragged down by a sea of girls.

But even Bilbo was anxious. He didn't have a suit and he _didn't have a date_. One lunchtime, he decided to discuss it with the Company.

"Guys," he started. "What are we going to do about the formal?"

"Um, Bilbo," Dom gave him a sideways glance. "Don't you have your suit yet?"

"Well, what does it look like? Of course not!"

"Because it said in our year 12 information package that if you wanted to be an all year boarder, you had to bring a suit to the formal."

_Crap! _Bilbo rifled through his memories. _Double crap! I have no memory of a formal suit!_

"If you don't," Oscar had clearly noticed the look of panic on the hobbit's face. "You could try taking some money out of your bank account online, and get Mr Grey to look after it for you. They have a few formal shops down the hill."

_I could talk to Mr Grey!_ "Guys, I'll be back in ten minutes," he announced as he began to rise from his seat.

"Where are you going!?" Theo asked indignantly.

"I just need to talk to Mr Grey, I'll be back!" Bilbo tossed the words over his shoulder, as he began to race to the other building and run up the stairs. Ever since going to the gym, Bilbo had become a lot fitter, and so abstained from using the lift to be even more fit. He knew Mr Grey would eat his lunch in his office each day, and his office was on the top floor.

When he finally reached it, he was only slightly breathless as he knocked on the door. It opened, and Mr Grey popped his head out.

"Mr Baker," He looked genuinely relieved to see his face. "Come in, come in," He enthusiastically waved him in. "You can have a cookie if you want to as well."

"Why the sudden… nice-ness?" Bilbo asked suspiciously.

"Because Bill," Mr Grey closed the door and went to sit in his office chair. "It is refreshing to have someone else other than a begging girl at my door. Now, what can I do for you dear fellow?"

"Well, it's about the—"

"Formal," Mr Grey said in a bored voice. "Really? What's wrong?"

"Well, I don't have a suit. And apparently, we were meant to have something."

"Yes, I wrote that into the info booklet to avoid _this_ kind of situation, but does anyone act on it?" Mr Grey shook his head, and then continued. "And you can't write a letter home to ask for money, so I'll have to take matters into my own hands."

_Yes!_ "But how?"

"Since that unfortunate chase you had a month ago, I've been experimenting with my magic. Let me demonstrate it to you now." Mr Grey closed his eyes, and began muttering something under his breath. Suddenly, a credit card appeared on the desk.

"Wow," Bilbo picked it up and examined it, making sure it wasn't counterfeit. "Did you just…conjure it out of thin air?"

"Well, no, according to the unwritten laws of magic. These came from someone's bank account."

Instantly, Bilbo dropped it. "That's stealing,"

"I prefer 'borrowed'. Plus, I took it out of a millionaire's bank account. 500 dollars will hardly dent it."

"Oh, okay," Bilbo took back the credit card back hesitantly. "Wow, 500 dollars. So I can just use this?"

"Yep, and when you run out of money, it'll disappear."

"Cool."

"You'd never guess what happened when you were gone," Theo said, his eyes bright as Bilbo sat down.

"What?" Bilbo asked.

He took a breath before saying: "Amanda asked Geoff to be her date for the formal!"

"That's great news!" Bilbo looked down the table, where an excited and happy Geoff was chatting with the others, his cheeks flushed with excitement. "Also, I got some money," He held up the credit card. "Mr Grey took it from my…my bank account."

"Cool, how much?"

"500 dollars,"

Theo almost fell off his chair. "500 DOLLARS!?"

"Hush, hush, it's a secret," Bilbo tried to shush his friend up, ultimately failing.

"C'mon, this is great!" he was saying. "You're gonna have a _great_ formal suit, I'll take you shopping…"

Bilbo straightened his already straight tie nervously, as he waited anxiously outside the gym for his date. Yesterday, he had just bought his formal suit. With a dark grey jacket and pants, a white crisp shirt and a tie matching the colour of the shirt he wore on his adventure complete with a handkerchief of the same colour in his pocket, he thought he looked rather dashing. Many preparations had been put into this day; he'd even managed to get a date.

And there she was now.

Wearing a shimmering, floor length gown the same hue as his tie and her hair done up in elaborate curls with a white rose to complete the look, Lana was absolutely stunning. She was the one that had asked him to be her date to the formal, and when he had stammered yes, she had squealed and thrown her arms around him delight.

"You look dashing," she said, looking him up and down. "I like this look. Shall we?" She offered him her arm.

_This is the right time to do it!_ "Indeed," He pulled out something he'd made (with help from Oliver) during the free lunchtimes he had. He began fastening it onto Lana's wrist.

"A wrist corsage?" she said, peering interestedly at the bracelet of white roses and dark leaves on her wrist. "You never told me about that!"

"No, I wanted to keep it a surprise," Bilbo stood back from his handiwork, as Lana lifted up her wrist to inspect it in the lights. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," she breathed. "Shall we go in?"

"Yep," he offered his arm, and she took it.

The couple were hit by a wall of noise and dancing people. Since, at the last council meeting, they had decided to combine the social and the formals into one big formal, there was a lot more people than he'd expected.

"Looking good there," Theo, wearing a black suit with a navy tie and handkerchief, appeared, smirking. Darcy was next to him, with a camo-coloured tie and handkerchief in the pocket.

"Thanks," Bilbo smirked in return. "It pays to have a lot of money."

"What are you boys doing?" Lana teased. "You're too good looking to _not_ have a date. Unless you're playing the 'cool bachelor' looks?"

"Right as usual, Lana," Theo smiled. "You're looking radiant tonight. If you want my sister, she's on the dance floor with Damon."

"Okay," She pulled away from Bilbo, who was surprised at the sudden coldness on his left side. "Go find your friends, I'll find mine."

"Lead me on, my friends," Bilbo said, as Theo and Darcy took him to find the others.

The first people they saw were at the refreshments stall. A wide range of fizzy drinks were being served there, and there were plenty of chairs around to accommodate tired or relaxing couples. Kyle was there, sitting with a familiar looking girl with fiery red hair and a dark green dress with a pattern of

"Hey Bilbo," Kyle greeted. "This is Lily, a year nine from my archery club."

"Hi Bilbo," she greeted, sipping delicately from a plastic cup. "Nice to meet you."

"You were the one that complained about the toilets, right?"

She nodded. "Thomas's actually my cousin. Leo's my older brother, and he…doesn't really like Kyle."

"Well…" _Awkward! _"What about Flynn?"

Kyle waved a hand. "He's being a bachelor. He should be talking somewhere near the side of the gym."

"Thanks!" Bilbo waved goodbye, and he and the dwarves began exploring the sides of the gym, trying to find Flynn. And there he was, standing with Blake, Boris, Dom, Oscar and Nathan. They were all chatting amongst themselves, looking bored.

"Hey Bill," Flynn greeted. "Come to join the bachelor party?"

"Nah," Bill gently shoved him. "I've got a date, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Flynn looked downcast, but perked up again. "You know I'm gonna be playing tonight, right?"

"It's for the music," Blake added. "They start off by playing all these radio tracks, and then they call in the _real_ music, so that people can get sappy."

"A _lot_ of couples were making out last year," Dom said, rolling his eyes. "Right in front of us as well!"

"Let's hope our friends don't do that," Boris shuddered. "They're on the dance floor if you want to talk to them."

"And maybe you can find Lana too!" Nathan added in, a sly twinkle in his eyes. "Have you told her how you feel?"

"You do seem pretty close," Oscar said, running his hand through his curls. "You guys would be an awesome couple."

Bilbo laughed. "I know it may seem like it, but I don't actually like her."

"Sure, sure," Blake rolled his eyes. "That's what they _all_ say."

"C'mon, let's go find my sister," Theo dragged him onto the dance floor, where they were instantly surrounded by dancing couples.

"Hey guys!" Oliver flew by, dancing ferociously with a lilac-clad Melia. "What's up?"

They didn't even have time to reply, as the dancing couple had already 'danced' away.

"That was just _weird,_" Darcy shook his head. "Hey, I see Geoff."

Thankfully, Geoffrey and his partner, Amanda, were dancing a bit less enthusiastically than Oliver and Melia, so they approached them.

"Hey guys," Geoff was wearing a blood-red tie, with a rose over his lapel. Amanda was wearing a similar coloured dress that was styled like a Spanish dancer's. "Hey Bill. I just saw Lana talking with Danielle a few minutes ago. She should be over there." He jabbed his thumb into an impossible maze of dancing couples.

Bilbo gulped. _Why do they have to be so tightly packed together? _"Okay, I'll see if I can find her."

"I'll come with you," Darcy said automatically. Bilbo looked at him with raised eyebrows.

_Wow, _he thought. _He seriously must be keen to see Dan_.

"Okay," As soon as they were out of earshot of Theo, Bilbo rounded on Darcy.

"Seriously," he began. "When are you going to tell Dan that you like her?"

Darcy started becoming agitated, running his hands through his hair and repeatedly straightened and fiddled with his sleeves. "I don't know! Remember, she's in that relationship with my cousin?"

"Yes," he replied impatiently. "But remember, she doesn't actually like Damon. Plus, we have Lily now."

"Lily?"

"You know, Kyle's formal date? Her _brother_ is on the council."

"_And,_ she's basically already defying him by being with Kyle," Darcy said excitedly, starting to catch on. "So it means that Dan can call off her relationship with Damon!"

"Exactly! But then," Bilbo turned to stare off into the distance dramatically as he pondered. "What would Damon think?"

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**Sorry, it's a stupid cliff hanger. Part 2 of the formal will be next!**

**To those who are wondering, Lily is Tauriel (if you haven't already guessed). **

**HobbitFanatic: Yes, Kili flirts with an elf. It's part of the extended edition of AUJ. The scene can be found on Youtube, I think ;)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Part two of the formal is here! The suspense is (not really) killing me!**

**Warning: Mentions of a rude word **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Crap!" Darcy ducked behind Bilbo, which was hard, seeing as the dwarf was much larger than Bilbo and the fact that they were surrounded by dancing couples packed close together. "I see her!"

"Where?" Bilbo craned his neck. Sure enough, Dan was there, dominating the dance floor in a midnight satin dress. Her hair was elegantly twisted into a black, wavy knot at the back of her head. Damon was spinning her around like a top, grinning as he did.

"I'm sorry to say," Bilbo whispered to Darcy. "But your cousin looks like a gorilla in a tuxedo."

But, as the hobbit could see, Darcy only had eyes for Dan. His gaze reflected the disco lights as it hungrily absorbed Dan's figure. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"She _is_ stunning tonight," Bilbo found himself nodding in agreement. "So, when are you going to talk to her?"

Darcy gave him a look, as if he'd just said, "So, when are going to jump into a pile of poo?"

"Ummm…does that mean later?" Bilbo asked tentatively.

"Might not be ever at all," Darcy concluded.

"You're never going to talk to her!?" Bilbo half shouted.

"Bill!" Lana was heading towards him, her cheeks pink from dancing. "C'mon, let's dance!"

"I'll let you sort yourself out," Bilbo managed to shout as he was whisked away. All of a sudden, the music stopped.

"Oh, what now?" She looked irritably up at the DJ, who was surrounded by a million speakers.

"This next song is for all you lovers out there," the DJ called out. "Get ready to get cosy!"

The lights in the gym suddenly turned blue, and began making a rippling effect across the floor. 'Jar of Hearts' began playing.

"C'mon, let's dance," Lana unexpectedly held his shoulders. Bilbo answered by flailing his arms about in an attempt to find where he was meant to hold a girl if they danced.

"Oh, I guessed you haven't danced before?" she asked, the hint of a smile on her lips. "Here, I'll tell you what to do. Take my waist here," She held Bilbo's hands and guided them to where he was meant to place them.

"And then," she continued. "Just remember what those dancing couples do in movies, and just copy that."

Bilbo found dancing was much easier than he thought, as he and Lana twirled around the gym. He spotted Kyle and Lily holding one another, Geoffrey and Amanda moving in unison, Bruno and Pandora (he had asked her, and she had said yes) chatting quietly on the side, and the "bachelors" hanging around the drink stall, looking uncomfortable. Darcy kept shooting desperate looks at Dan and Damon, who were surrounded by other dancing couples.

"Young love," Lana sighed. "It's wonderful, isn't it?"

"Ummm…yeah," Bilbo replied.

She nodded to Darcy. "The longing on his face for her is just too cute,"

"Wait, what?" Bilbo looked at her. "You know about…that?"

She humphed. "It's so obvious, isn't it?"

"But…doesn't that mean Dan knows about this too?"

Lana had to stop and think for a moment. "We're not entirely sure. But we know Dan _does_ love someone."

"Hopefully, it's Darcy," Bilbo said grimly. "I would hate it for his heart to be broken a second time."

"Yea—"She was cut off as a dancing Leo and his girlfriend bumped into them. Lana cast them a quick glare as they spiralled away.

"Jeez," She shook herself slightly. "Why does this place have to be so tightly packed?"

_My god,_ Bilbo thought with a shiver. _She's more like me than I thought_.

"They're looking pretty close," Lana indicated to the nearest couple with a slight tip of her head. It was Bailey, dancing with a girl with dark brown hair wearing a shimmering, silver gown. "I've never seen her before—who do you think she is?"

"I think it's a friend from outside of school," Bilbo said. "I remember Bailey talking about it last week. I mean, you _can_ invite people from outside of school."

"Hm," Lana's mind was off elsewhere, judging by her tone. "You know, I used to have a crush on someone, from outside here."

"Really?" He tried to sound mildly interested.

"Yeah, he found out about it, and then purposely began dating someone else."

"Oh…" _Awkward!_ "What did you do?"

Lana shrugged. "Don't really remember. Anyway," She leaned closer to Bilbo. "What about you? Any crushes?"

"Well, ummm…" _This topic is going into dangerous territory!_ "I've…never had one."

"Awww…_everyone_ has crushes. Seriously, who?"

Bilbo was about to reply with the same answer he had given before to the previous question, but an almighty crash stopped him. A few couples turned their heads, and a few couples scampered away, not wanting to be involved. There was another crash and a shout of pain.

"That sounds like Dan," Lana said in horror. They ran to the source of noise, to see Dan on the ground, Damon towering over her. He was holding a bottle in his hand as he did. Some of the tables had been knocked over, hence the bang.

"That's for not kissing me!" he shouted as she got up.

"Damon, you're drunk," she yelled, trying to snatch the bottle from his hands. "Give me the bottle."

"They're stocking alcohol here?" Lana asked, horrified. Judging by the bottle in Damon's hand compared to the drinks at the stall, he had brought his own.

"Oh my," Bilbo said faintly. Theo and Darcy ran up next to him, trying to see what was happening. Theo's eyes were like smouldering chips of ice as he glared at Damon. Darcy was cracking his knuckles as he growled softly under his breath. The dancing couples had stopped dancing, and were now looking at Dan and Damon.

"Dan, how about a kiss?" Damon puckered his lips and shot towards Theo's sister. She slapped him in the cheek, the sound resonating around the now silent gym.

"HOW DARE YOU!" he roared, and raised his fists.

"NO!" Darcy careered into Damon just as his fist came down. Theo rushed out and brought Dan away, as Darcy punched every single inch of his cousin's body.

"You—will—not—touch—her—again!" he snarled, as each blow made contact with Damon's body.

"Darcy, enough!" Theo shouted, his eyes wide with his friend's brutality.

He stood back and let Damon get to his feet. His slicked-back hair was sticking up in brown strands all over the place, and his shirt was ruffled. He glared, and spat out some blood before speaking.

"Fool! Did you think I didn't know? I've seen you watch her. Now you can have that _dog_—I don't want her anymore!" He stormed out, every single pair of eyes on him as he did. The couples began muttering amongst themselves, and the music started up again.

"Darcy?" Theo was looking at his best friend with incredulity. "Is…it true? D-do you like my sister?"

He bowed his head. "Since I first set eyes on her."

"And me too," Dan faced Theo. "I have always wanted to be with him."

_Plot twist! _Bilbo thought. _She likes him back!_

"Forgive me, and I will forgive you if you don't want us to be a couple," Darcy lifted his head and locked eyes with Dan. Theo took a step forward, as if to shield Dan from Darcy's eyes, but instead kept walking, until he was right in front of him. He took his shoulders.

"Why would I forgive you," he muttered. "If I had always wanted you to say that?"

"Wait, what?" Darcy pulled away from him in surprise.

"You idiot," Theo punched him. "Did you think I didn't know? All those times you went to my house—I could see you only wanted to talk to Dan."

"So…you approve?"

"Heck, I'll be the priest at the wedding if you want me to!"

The friends laughed, and butted their foreheads together. Then Darcy went out of Theo's grip, and took Dan's arm.

"And that," Lana commented. "Was a true example of young love, and one of the best bromances I've ever seen."

"I was actually rather scared through that whole talk," Bilbo confessed. He had been silently praying for Darcy for five minutes. "I thought Darcy was done for sure."

"Done, like a roasted turkey," She nodded. "But they _are_ best friends."

"But seriously? He'd be _the priest?_"

"C'mon, let's talk now," She swung her arms around him. "I feel stupid for just standing here, and not talking."

"We could just move off," Bilbo suggested.

"Oh no," Lana began swaying. "I like it here. Let's talk and dance at the same time."

"About what?" Bilbo began moving in sync with Lana. _Oh god, they're playing Pink now_. "The music?"

"No, I like Pink. Do you know what the song is called?"

"I remember it's something about love," He nodded slowly.

"Yeah, it's called 'True Love'."

_Uh oh, I don't like where the conversation is going_. "And what about it?"

"Oh, you know," Lana said. "Sometimes, I don't think that I'd ever find true love."

Bilbo opened his mouth to change the topic, but she continued.

"I mean, all my friends have a crush on someone they like back. Amanda and Geoff, Pandora and Bruno… sometimes, I don't think I'd find my true love at all. Like, you know in Disney, the guy always gets the girl, or the girl ends up happy? I want to be like that."

"But Lana," Bilbo argued gently. "You have your whole life to search for your true love. We're young-we have _plenty_ of time."

She gave him a look, her eyes as blue as the sky. "Sometimes, I like to think I've already found it."

_Damn._

_Just…damn_.

"Bill," she said. "I have had a crush on you since we met in ThinkGeek. Would you be my boyfriend?"

It broke Bilbo's heart to say these next words, but he had to.

"Look, Lana," he pulled himself gently away from her arms. "I don't love you."

"What?" _Oh god,_ he thought as he looked into her hurt eyes. _It's like kicking a puppy!_

"Lana, I do love you," he said. "But only as friends."

"Friends?" she whispered.

"Yeah, and that's good right? We can still do stuff together, and-"

"But…I thought that you liked me! You didn't say no when I asked you out!"

"Yes, but I only thought as _friends!_"

"But what about those conversations we had together? And this wrist corsage!?"

"I—"

Lana pulled away. "You just have _no_ tact when talking to girls, don't you!? And here," She pulled off the wrist corsage that he had spent hours crafting, and gave it to him. "I don't want this anymore." She stormed off, parting the sea of couples as she did.

"What are you all staring at!?" he snapped at them. They shrugged, and continued dancing. He looked at the wrist corsage in his hands, unable to process what had just happened.

_And this, he_ thought numbly, _is why I am 50 and still unmarried in the Shire_.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**I've always wondered why Bilbo wasn't married...I guess this was the answer ;)**

**HANGGS: Maybe... sorry for the short reply.**

**I'm going to start taking story prompts! If you want to make a suggestion, please PM them to me. I know it sounds a bit early to think about this...but...I like thinking about the future :) However, they have to be Hobbit related and I'd like it if I could write at least a dozen chapters on it or something *grins likes a maniac***


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey hey hey! Who watched His Last Vow today?**

**Warning: Indirect swearing and mentions of swearing**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"You know," Boris remarked to Bilbo as they sat down together. "You really should go talk to her,"

Bilbo shuddered. "No way—you know how awkward would that be?"

It had been a month since the formal. A month since Bilbo and Lana talked. Every time Bilbo would go up to talk to her, she would give him such an intimidating look that he would scurry back to the safety of his friends. Every time Dan came with her and the others, her gaze would pass over him as if he wasn't there. The wrist corsage he had made for her sat on his bedside table, painfully and unhelpfully reminding him.

_You'll have to apologise soon,_ it said.

_Shut up,_ Bilbo retorted.

Bilbo had taken to confiding in Boris about it. Turns out he was a very good advisor, despite being isolated quite a lot from people, since because of his autism.

"I just study people, I guess," the dwarf had shrugged. "Like, I knew that my teacher was in a relationship with two people, for example."

Knowing this, Bilbo wondered how much Boris had guessed about him.

Anyway, there was happiness to be found in the friendship group as well. Dan and Darcy had announced they were officially a couple, and so had Geoffrey and Amanda, and Bruno and Pandora. Oliver and Melia had only been going out as "friends" for the formal.

"Yeah," Blake snorted. "Next, they'll be announcing that they're going to be married in a month!"

But Lana wasn't the worst thing on Bilbo's mind right now. Suddenly, the week after the formal, there was talk of exams coming up. Bilbo suddenly found he had more free periods than usual, and he used each one wisely, studying diligently for each time frame. Only Kyle wasn't worried, as he had no exams. This year was Flynn's, Oliver's and Bruno's first year, so the trio were stressed, always asking the older members of the Company for help and advice.

"Why do we even have exams anyway?" Oliver had grumbled. "We're not in Year 11 yet."

"It's because they want to…'prepare' you," Darcy replied. "At least you're not doing NCEA exams yet. You get to do _easy_ ones, and only for the core subjects? If you want advice and stuff, ask your teacher if you have problems with _anything_."

"Don't be scared," Bailey suggested. "You'll perform worse."

"Study study STUDY," Blake pressed, before adding helpfully, "Or you're stuffed."

Their lunchtimes were filled with talk about study techniques and exam papers, and often, they went off to the library to study more, or help Flynn, Oliver or Bruno with their studying.

Their first day of exams was incredibly scary. Bailey was stressing out even more than the Year 10s, mainly because his scores would impact on which university he would go to, and that he wanted to be the Dux of Year 13.

For Bilbo, his first exam was Maths Methods. The night before, he had constructed a whole book of notes to take with him to the three hour period and studied extra. He winked at Theo, who was in another class of methods, before he sat down. The test paper was so gruelling, he was relieved to hand it back to the teacher.

And so the next two weeks were like this. Fortunately for Bilbo, his exams didn't take place every day, but was spaced out, so he had time to study. Still, it was pressuring for him, and basically everyone else. In fact, on his last exam, when the last test paper had been collected, people started clapping, and running out of the room in excitement. Even _he_ had to use all his willpower not to whoop with joy and rush out.

"So, how were exams?" Kyle asked brightly the next day. "What did you do in class, since they're over?"

"I think I went fine," Bilbo said, feeling unusually happy. "I answered all the questions, and only had to guess a few. We started to watch Harry Potter in Biology, actually. "

"Cool!" Flynn exclaimed. "We just played hangman over and over again in English, and then in Maths, we had an 'arithmetic race'."

"I came third, if anybody wanted to know." Oliver's proud statement fell on deaf ears.

"What about you, Bailey?" Bilbo asked as the Year 13 sat down with his lunch. He knew that Bailey had been in a constant state of worry ever since the exams were announced.

"Flunked Biology, failed Psychology, botched Methods, bombed Physics and went okay-ish on Literature." he replied in rapid succession.

"Oookkay," _Awkward, awkward, awkward. _"So it…didn't go well?"

"Nope," he replied, his tone clipped. "But…so what? They're over, that's what matters."

"Well, that's good then," Darcy clapped his brother on the back. "D'you guys want to go to library?"

"NO!" The response was loud and immediate.

"Okay, chill," He put his hands up in resignation.

"How about we all go down to the shops?" Bilbo suggested.

"Sure," Theo brushed his curls out of his face. "Now?"

"We'll have to ask Mr Grey, though,"

"And I say yes!" The wizard happened to be walking by that moment Theo had opened his mouth. "I've cancelled all afternoon classes anyway, so you're all free to go."

"Thanks!" They quickly pushed their chairs in, and raced out of the café.

"Mr Grey might be actually nicer than I thought," Theo nodded.

"Of course," Bilbo snorted. "He's the principal of a _school_, for Pete's sake."

They went down to the shops again, following the same route they had taken a few months earlier.

"C'mon, let's go to the convenience store," Theo was already heading towards the glass sliding doors.

"But don't you have like, four packets of lollies?" Kyle asked, an expression of amusement and disbelief on his face.

"Exams can run you dry," Theo replied. "My stock of lollies is in the tummy of each and every member of this friendship group." This was true, as he had handed out lollies to them as they studied.

"But you only offered us like, two packets of party mix," Dom said. "What happened to the rest?"

Theo shifted guiltily from side to side. "My hunger got the better of me. Darcy had some of the marshmallows, though."

"And you didn't give them to me?" Oscar said, clutching his heart. "I feel betrayed."

Geoffrey sighed. "Let's just get the lollies. Actually, we should have a party."

"To celebrate the ending of the exams?" Bruno smiled. "What a marvellous idea."

"So we should all chip in some food, I think," Bailey said, adding to the idea of the party. "D'you want to host it someone's dorm?"

"We'll have to ask Mr Grey first, since we're not allowed to go into someone's dorm," Nathan pointed out. "But I think we should host it in Bill's dorm."

"Sure!" Bilbo had no problem with it, as far as he could see. "Do you want to ask Mr Grey after this?"

"After we buy all the stuff, of course." Darcy said. They went into the store together, and Theo, being him, immediately had his eye on the confectionary area. The others separated, some following Theo and some heading for the chips. Bilbo decided to head for the chips first, since he was a bit sick of jelly dinosaurs.

"Bill!" Oliver waved him over. In his hands, he had a packet of Doritos and a packet of Cheezels. "I can't decide between Doritos and Cheezels."

"You could ask around to see what everyone else is buying," Bilbo suggested. "So if someone's bringing Doritos for example, you can choose the Cheezels to bring along."

"Thanks." He rushed off to talk to Darcy, who was checking out various flavours of Red Rock Deli chips.

Bilbo walked up and down the aisle, trying to choose some chip brands to buy. He couldn't really find anything, so he headed for the confectionary aisle, where Theo, Dom, Flynn, Kyle Nathan and Bruno already were.

"Bill," Theo called out. "Do you like 'Berry Bliss' or 'Tropical Bliss'?"

"Personally, I'd go with the 'Smoothie Chews'," Dom muttered, loud enough for everyone to hear.

"How about …sugar, honey, ice tea?" Nathan asked, his voice oddly strained.

"I've never heard of that lolly before," Kyle cocked his head. "What does that taste like?"

Nathan shook his head. "No, no, _sugar honey ice tea_."

"You just said that." Flynn commented.

"Fudge," The dwarf was getting annoyed. "Fudge, fudge, FUDGE."

"Would you like some fudge?"

This time, Nathan said a rude word and pointed to the glass sliding doors.

There, entering the shop, was a ginormous boy. He had pimples all over his face, and a particularly prominent number of chins that wobbled with each movement he made. He was accompanied by many people in a variety of grades. The dwarves' reactions were very similar—Dom dropped his 'Smoothie Chews', Theo swore loudly, Flynn and Kyle grimaced and Nathan looked at them, a smug expression on his face.

"I told you," he said. "I _told_ you."

"No time to be smart, Nat," Theo snapped.

"Well, well, well," The newcomer boomed, greedily eyeing the packet of 'Smoothie Chews'. "If it isn't the Johnsons and their friends."

"Well, well, well," Theo smirked. "If it isn't Gary Kew and the people that call themselves his friends. At least we believe in _real_ friendship in the Company."

The 'friends' muttered amongst themselves angrily. At that moment, the other dwarves came out of the snacks aisle, and stood next to Bilbo and Theo.

"What do you want Gary?" Darcy narrowed his eyes. "More like, what does _Alan_ want, since you're always doing his dirty work?"

"Why, he wants you," The fat boy pointed to Bilbo, who sighed in exasperation and rolled his eyes. "He extends his hand in friendship, and will forgive you for the last…mishap."

"You can go eat some—"Bilbo said a rude word. "And Alan can go—"There was another torrent of swearing. "He must be _quite_ thick-headed if he thinks he can be friends with me."

"We can do this the easy way," Gary's eyes glinted. "Or the hard way."

"You'll have to _drag_ me to Alan." Bilbo stuck his chin in the air.

"So be it." Gary snapped his fingers. Instantly, a wave of bodies hit, knocking him to the tiled floor of the store. Hands grabbed at him and pulled his clothes as they proceeded to drag him out of the store. Theo flung a student off him and grabbed his shirt.

"This is not your fight," he warned through gritted teeth. "Go!"

But the student still tried to punch Theo as he talked. The dwarf had no choice but to knock him out.

"Help us!" Bilbo shouted to the store owner. He answered by cowering further into the safety of the counter.

_Great_. Bilbo tried to fend himself as best as he could, but they were too many. Soon, he found himself being pushed out through the glass sliding doors, and up the street, back to the school. As he struggled, someone hit him on the back of his head, rattling his brains. In rapid succession, someone punched him in the gut. Winded and dizzy, he let himself be dragged up to the school, past the students who turned their backs and hurried away, not wanting to be involved with Gary Kew and his minions. They threw him into a classroom. As he recovered on the carpet floor, he heard the tell-tale _clink_ of the key being twisted, and he instantly knew the door was locked.

As he struggled to focus on his surroundings, he didn't notice the two figures slip out from behind the desk and sit behind him. It was a shock when he turned around.

_I'm seeing double_, he thought initially. As his vision cleared, he noticed that it wasn't one person, but _two_. They were twins—identical down to the last freckle and the motion of their brown hair as they moved.

"Well," one said. "You going to talk to Alan too?"

Bilbo's only thought was: _There are two Gollums_.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**BTW, I have an idea for a new story! I shall post the first chapter after I finish this one :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Another chapter in a day!? How preposterous! I've just been typing a lot today, so that's why :)**

**Warning: Indirect swearing**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Both Gollums weren't too shabby, compared to their Middle Earth counterpart. Both were wearing green sweaters, both were wearing glasses, and both had incredibly blue eyes like pools. The only difference between them was that their hair was parted down different sides of their faces.

"Well?" The first Gollum demanded. Bilbo realised he still hadn't answered his question.

"N-no. Gary Kew had me thrown into here. How about you?" He crossed his fingers behind his back and hoped that was an acceptable enough answer.

It was. "Gary Kew," The first Gollum spat out. "I hate him. We're here because we want to talk to Alan."

"To be friends!" The second Gollum piped up.

"Shut up!" The first Gollum snarled. "We're going to _pretend_ to be his friend, and then backstab him."

The hobbit gulped. _Jeez, this guy (or guys) is still pretty cunning_. "Sounds like a…good plan."

"It is, isn't it?" The second Gollum beamed. "Anyway, what's your name?"

"I'm ummm…William Baker. Bill for short,"

"I'm Gabriel, and this is Samuel," The first Gollum pointed to himself, and then to his twin, who nodded eagerly. He noted that Gabriel had his hair parted down the right, and Samuel down the left.

_Such angelic names for such brutal creatures_, he thought. He absentmindedly put his hands in the pocket of his jeans and felt something cold, hard and thin.

_It's a hairpin_. Ever since the "Classroom Incident" (which is what he called the experience, in which Nathan locked him in a classroom), he had carried a hairpin around with him since. In fact, he did it so much, he couldn't be stuffed putting the hairpin in his pocket each morning, so he just left it in his jeans.

"Anyway," Bilbo began inching towards the door. "I'm not here for the same purpose as you, so I'm just going to go—"

As soon as he finished his sentence, a green blur flashed in front of the door, blocking the exit. It was Samuel.

"Why such a hurry?" Gabriel's face was twisted cruelly. "There's so much we could learn about one another."

"Yeah, but my friends are in danger," _Damn, these guys are cunning_. "They need my help."

"I'm sure they can handle by themselves. How about we just sit here and…get to know each other?"

"I need to go," Bilbo repeated.

"You sure you can take on _both_ of us?" Samuel sneered.

Bilbo probably could've. His month in the gym had toughened him up, and made him stronger. However, Gabriel and Samuel looked lean and strong as well.

He would have to use his wits.

"Fine," he said, flopping down and feigning exaggerated tiredness. "You win."

"Excellent!" Samuel moved away from the door and sat next to Gabriel, who had a look of smug triumph on his face.

"Sooo…" Bilbo drummed his fingers on the desk. "What do you want?"

"Just facts," Gabriel smirked. "Who is your current friendship group?"

"The Company,"

Instantly, Samuel recoiled. "We don't _like_ the Company. Very nasty they are."

"Where do you live?" Gabriel pressed, ignoring his twin brother.

_What on earth? _"Right, stop. These questions are getting too personal. Are you trying to stall me?"

"Maybe," he replied. "And maybe not,"

"Fine," Bilbo knew just what to do. "How about we…play a game?"

"I like games!" Samuel squealed.

"Quiet!" Gabriel snapped. "What kind of game?"

"A game of…something, you can choose," _I know what he's going to say_. "What do you say? If I win, I get to leave. If _you_ win, I will stay here and answer your stupid questions."

"Seems fair," he nodded. "How about a game of riddles? I'll start."

"Excellent," Bilbo rubbed his hands together.

"_What has roots that nobody sees…?"_

_This is going to be too easy,_ he thought. He waited impatiently for Gabriel to finish, and then he answered as soon as he did. "The mountain,"

"Very good," Gabriel narrowed his eyes. "Not many people know that one."

"My turn," But before he could open his mouth, Samuel interrupted.

"Wait, are you going to ask both of us or do we take in turns?"

"Ask us both, of course!" His brother butted in quickly, as he shot a sly and menacing glare at Bilbo.

"Okay…" He didn't want to argue, since it would waste time, and those guys were fast. "Here's the riddle: _Thirty white horses…_"

Bilbo grimaced on the inside when Gabriel had answered 'teeth' (after a minute collaboration with Samuel). If Gollum _did_ remember their previous encounter in the Goblin tunnels, well…

Good thing he was going to use a combination of old riddles and new riddles he had picked up from the internet.

They swapped riddles for a very long time. Every now and then, Bilbo would take a sneak peek at his watch, to see how much time had passed. The last time he'd checked, 20 minutes had passed. Since all the riddles Gabriel came up with were ones he knew, he had more time to devise a plan to get out. So far, it involved hitting Gabriel very violently over the head.

"So, what is it?" Samuel asked, just finished reciting a riddle. "What's the answer?"

"The sun," Bilbo replied, after a moment's hesitation. Even though it wasn't one of the original riddles Gollum had asked him, he knew it from surfing the web.

"You're very good," Gabriel growled, as Samuel slapped his forehead behind him. "Too good, I think."

"I just do a lot of research," Bilbo shrugged. He wasn't _exactly_ lying.

"Look," Gabriel pressed his face against Bilbo's. "This is all a bit weird, isn't it?"

The hobbit, having been threatened many times in various ways, wasn't all that fazed. "Nope. I like riddles just as much as you."

"Don't think we don'ts remember, _Bagginses_," he snarled. "We've been waiting for this for a long time."

"Very long, precious," Samuel added.

_Fudge, fudge, fudge. _Bilbo slowly backed up against the wall, as Gabriel and Samuel advanced on him.

"Where is _the precious?_" Gabriel grinned. "Is it in your pocketses?"

Bilbo weighed up his options. Either he made a run for the door and try to unlock it as fast as he could, or he could launch a surprise attack on Gabriel and Samuel. Since picking a lock took about a minute for him (and it wasn't like Gabriel and Samuel were going to sit back and let him do it) he chose the second option.

With a battle cry, he leapt onto Gabriel's back and pushed him down. They wrestled, Gabriel's long fingers trying to find the hobbit's throat as Samuel pathetically squealed, "Precious! Precious!" in the background.

"Fool!" Gabriel spat as he dodged a punch from Bilbo. "Pin him down!"

At once, Samuel stopped squeaking and jumped onto Bilbo, knocking the breath out of him. Gabriel seized the opportunity to wriggle out from underneath Bilbo and pin him down firmly. Samuel shoved his hands into his pockets and withdrew the hairpin.

"This isn't the precious," he said confusedly.

"The other pocket!" His brother thrust his hand into the other pocket and felt around, withdrawing his wallet and his phone. Bilbo struggled free and tried to run, but Gabriel grabbed his legs and he stumbled. Samuel held him down again, as Gabriel leered.

"It's over," he hissed. "Where is your Company, Bagginses? Have they abandoned you?"

"Abandoned!" Samuel repeated unnecessarily. And before Bilbo knew it, cold clammy hands curled around his throat and began squeezing.

He struggled and thrashed, but as he did, Gabriel's grip on his throat got tighter and tighter, cutting off his windpipe. He began to feel light-headed and dizzy, and his movements became weaker. Finally, darkness began to press on the edge of his vision, and he knew that it was no point…to resist any longer…

**_BANG_**

A blue blur flashed past, and the grip on his throat disappeared. Bilbo gasped for air, making a mental note not to take breathing for granted ever again. His vision started to focus again slowly, as he heard Samuel shriek, or was it Gabriel?

"Bill?" A voice asked anxiously. Kyle's face swam into view, as he turned to the side and began retching, though nothing came out.

"I'm fine, Kyle," he coughed. "I've just been suffocated—nothing I can't handle,"

"That's good," Flynn bent over him. Bilbo sat up, almost knocking into the blonde as he did. The whole Company was here, all bruised and slightly bloodied, but here. Theo was pinning Gabriel down with his knees, and Dom was restraining Samuel in the corner.

"Theodore Johnson," Gabriel snarled, his voice back to normal. "To whom do I owe the pleasure?"

"You were harming my friend," His voice was low with a hint of warning. "You will pay for that,"

"Kick him!" Oscar shouted.

"Punch him!" Geoffrey added.

"Make him endure as much pain as Bill did!" Darcy growled.

"No!" Bilbo found himself shouting. Theo looked at him in disbelief.

"You…want to let this scum go?"

"Yes," Bilbo looked at him square in the eye. "Violence isn't the answer,"

"But we should teach them a lesson!" Darcy cracked his knuckles as he slowly edged towards Gabriel. "They almost killed you!"

"And they would've, if you guys hadn't come just in time," He nodded. "But since _I _was the victim, _I_ decide what happens to them. And my decision is to let them off."

"But if this scum," Theo shifted his knees, making Gabriel wince. "Harms you again, nothing's going to stop me from punching the lights out of him."

"Agreed, now let him go."

Theo grudgingly got off Gabriel, who instantly raced out of the classroom. Samuel followed soon after, squealing, "Wait for meeeeeeeee….."

"So," Theo rubbed his hands together, as if nothing had happened. "What happened?"

"So Gary's minions chucked me into here," Bilbo said, rubbing his throat. "And then I found _them_. Basically, they stalled me by playing a game of riddles. How about you?"

"We managed to fight them off," he replied, heading for the door. "No biggie."

"Aye, it could've been worse," Blake added, his hat bouncing. They filed into the hallway, and slowly made their way to the stairs.

"What riddles did he ask you?" Theo queried.

"Ummm…there was one about a mountain…" Bilbo didn't really know how to explain.

"Theo," Kyle tapped his cousin's shoulder.

"Go away, Kyle," he replied, before turning back to Bilbo. "Yes?"

"There was—"

"Theo!" Kyle repeated, this time a lot louder, tapping Theo a lot more forcefully. When he turned to glare at him, Kyle pointed down the hallway.

There, grinning at them, was a macho vampire.

"Alan Davies," Theo breathed. "Run."

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**To those who don't remember, the "Macho Vampire" was a name given to Alan/Azog by Blake/Bofur when describing him.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Just working as hard as I can to try and get this finished, so I can type new stuff! *wiggles fingers at screen***

**Warning: Mentions of swearing**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Instantly, the Company made for the stairs, pursued closely by Alan Davies and his minions.

"Great, Blake," Geoffrey snarled, slightly out of breath. "Of all the times you had to say _those_ words…"

"Like I said, it's not my fault I was born!" Blake lamented.

"Concentrate on running," Darcy snapped. "We have a long way to go if we can reach our dorms in time."

"I don't think that's going to work this time," Theo muttered.

"Why not?" Bilbo asked, alarmed. "Students aren't allowed in other people's dorms."

"Do you think a simple rule like that is going to stop Alan?" Theo retorted. "You were almost _killed_! I'm pretty sure that the number one rule _not_ meant to be broken anywhere!"

"So why are we going up the stairs then?" Oscar panted.

Theo didn't reply as he increased his running speed and so the others had to catch up.

They made their way up to the top floor, and began racing down the corridor towards Mr Grey's office.

"How is that going to help!?" Bilbo shrieked. "Mr Grey's in a staff meeting! Oh well, I think he is!"

The dwarf cursed. "We make for the lift staircase."

The lift staircase was a set of stairs that wound around the lift. It was mostly used to transport large objects that were too wide to shove into the lift. Students were banned from using it, as the staircase was old, and there was a chance of the wood breaking under the weight.

"Are you mad?" Dom shouted. "We might _die!_"

"Nonsense!" Kyle scoffed. "I've used these stairs so many times!"

"Kyle!" Flynn looked at his brother in shock. "You could've died!"

"What!? It was quicker than using the normal staircase!"

The wooden stairs creaked as they raced up them. Bilbo swore loudly when he heard a snap coming from the stair he was stepping on, but he continued.

"Where are we going?" Oliver yelled.

"Onto the roof," Theo glanced over his shoulder.

"We are _so_ dead," Bailey shook his head. "Going on the forbidden staircase _and then going onto the roof?_ If we're caught…"

"But we won't be," Theo was already at the top, shoving a door open as Nathan picked the lock with a hairpin. It flew open under the pressure, letting in weak, watery sunlight. "This way!"

"You know we're trapped, right?" Bilbo asked nervously as he skittered around the roof tiles. There was a roar and loud pounding from the door, which Nathan had locked behind him in order to delay them temporarily.

"We're not," Theo growled. "There's a window on the 11th floor that leads to an unused broom cupboard. We can escape through there and then trap them on the roof."

"But how!? Can't they just go back!?"

"That door always locks on the outside. They'll be trapped for a long time—long enough for us to get a teacher and get them into trouble."

"Okay," Bilbo contemplated as he slid onto a lower part of the roof. "Seems like a well-rehearsed plan,"

"Look, there's the window!" Darcy pointed at a small window surrounded by a dirty white frame. Theo instantly made a beeline for it.

"Well-rehearsed," The hobbit repeated. "But what if—"

Theo pushed upwards on the window.

"—the window's locked?"

Theo pushed as hard as he could, but the window didn't budge. A loud whoop followed by raucous yells of triumphs told Bilbo that Alan and his minions had managed to get onto the roof.

"Quick!" Kyle shouted, eyeing their pursuer. Darcy tried to open the window along with his friend, but it wouldn't open. Theo collapsed backwards, breathing heavily.

"We're screwed," he said.

"Screwed you are," Alan approached them, flanked by two boys with gleeful faces. His voice was husky and strong as he spoke, "You think you could outrun me, Theodore Johnson?"

"Get away," Darcy warned. "Take a step closer, and you'll find yourself with a broken neck."

"Oh," Alan deliberately and slowly took a step. "Whoops. Didn't your mother tell you it was rude to break people's necks?"

"You're not a person," Bailey spat. "You're a monster!"

"Dear Bailey," Alan said in a mocking tone. "You always were the one that interested me the most. Until you came," He pointed a finger at Bilbo, who was already expecting what he was going to say next.

"Yes blah blah blah I interest you blah blah blah serious, WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"I want _you_ to be my friend," He then shot a menacing side glare at Bilbo. "Or _else_."

"This just reminds me when I was younger," Bruno mused. "Kids said that a lot to each other in kindergarten."

"You can go—"Bilbo let off a torrent of cusses, some in Latin.

"Wow, colourful," Blake muttered. "Did you eat a rainbow or something?"

"Feisty," Alan cocked an eyebrow. Bilbo wished _he_ could lift one eyebrow up. "Sadly, none of my…_friends_…are like that. They're more…docile," He snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, five boys thrust themselves out of the "minion crowd", as Bilbo called it. Each was holding a writhing figure in their burly arms.

"Danielle!" Theo and Darcy shouted simultaneously.

"Amanda!" Geoff yelled.

"Pandora!" Bruno screamed.

Even Lana was there, struggling to fight off her captor. Her hazel eyes met his briefly, and then defiantly averted his gaze. The only girl not fazed by all of this was Melia, who didn't have a relationship with anyone in the Company. Her glasses were slightly askew as she shot daggers at Alan's back.

"Now will you comply with our demands?" Alan sneered.

"Let them go—they're not part of this," Theo said, his desperation showing in his eyes.

"Oh, but they are, Theodore Johnson. Especially this charming lady here," Alan reached over to stroke Dan's chin. Before he could, she spat on his hand. With a disgusted look, he wiped it on the ground and turned back to Theo.

"Alas, we couldn't restrain the sixth one," Alan began pacing. "The red-head is too well protected by her blonde brother."

Kyle turned as white as a sheet.

"So, what do you propose, Theodore Johnson?" The Pale Orc kicked a loose tile.

"A deal," Theo glared. "How about a fight? If I win, you have to leave us alone forever,"

"And if _I _win?"

"We'll comply with whatever your demands are,"

"Theo," Bailey pulled him back. "This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. We're children, not corrupt politicians!"

"But it's our only chance of being left alone," Theo protested. "To avenge my grandfather!"

"You really should drop that YOMYOMF saying—it's a bit stupid and terribly misleading."

Theo shook him off. "Whatever you say's not going to change my mind, Bailey. I _have_ to do this." He walked up to Alan and lifted his chin. The Defiler answered by delivering a swift blow to the gut.

The Company and Alan's friends watched as the duo brawled. Though Theo was strong, Alan also was strong, and considerably taller. He found it quite unfair that the orc had a height advantage over Theo.

For what seemed like an age, they exchanged blows. At first, it seemed like Theo was winning, but soon, he tired out, and Alan gained the upper hand. Soon, a punch to the head had Theo on the ground.

"Theo!" Dan screamed, and then wrestled against her captor, who grunted at the effort of keeping her still. "You _monster_!"

As the dwarf lain on the roof, dazed from being hit so hard, Alan seized the opportunity and balled his hand into a fist, ready to bring down onto him.

_Okay, time to save him_. Bilbo didn't have the ring this time (Jeez, Gandalf. You forgot the most important thing) and just had to make do with whatever was in his pockets. He withdrew the item and flung it as hard as he could in Alan's eye. Despite being home-loving and wary of danger, hobbits actually had rather good aim.

It hit him just on the eyelid. He yelled in shock and annoyance, and picked up the object.

"A hairpin?" He looked up just in time to see the hobbit barrelling towards him. Bilbo jumped onto his shoulders and they went down together. He aimed a flurry of punches at his face, and then a series of blows and knee-digging into his stomach. Whenever Alan threw a punch up, he nimbly dodged it and continued in his barrage. He was so fiercely concentrated in his assault, that when Alan finally fell unconscious, Bilbo wasn't aware of what was happening around him until he looked up.

_Oh,_

_My,_

_Gosh._

It was complete chaos. The Company plus Dan and her friends were brawling with Alan's friends. Theo was lying half unconscious on the side, forgotten in the commotion.

"We'll get you to the hospital," Bilbo reassured him as he knelt down. Theo merely groaned, his eyelids fluttering. What happened next was quite unexpected.

"THIS WAY YOU FOOLS!"

There, leaning out the now open window, was Mr Grey.

"C'mon!" Bilbo hauled the sagging Theo across the tiles and pushed him through the window, where he landed on the floor with a _thud_. Feeling guilty, he rallied the other members of the Company and pointed towards the window.

"What the—"Nathan started.

"No questions, _go_." Bilbo was firm, as he ushered them through the window. He finally leapt through last, and closed the window. Alan's minions roared and pounded, but they could not open it.

They were stuck on the rooftop.

"They're stuck," Oliver remarked, paraphrasing Bilbo's thoughts. "Until a teacher gets them down,"

"Or a police person," Kyle added.

"Bilbo!"

Oscar called the hobbit over to where Mr Grey was inspecting Theo on the carpeted floor.

"Mr Grey says he wants you to help him," Oscar explained, looking slightly disgruntled. "He says you know what to do."

"Ah, Bill," Mr Grey looked up, and waved Oscar away. "We'll be fine."

Muttering about his very grades in Biology and medical knowledge, Oscar slunk off.

"Lot better," the wizard eagerly rubbed his hands together. "Now we've got rid of him, it's much easier. Mind you don't tell anyone about this, Bilbo." He hovered his hands over Theo's face, muttering strange words as he did. Almost instantly, his eyelids fluttered and a groan escaped his lips.

"Much better," Mr Grey sounded satisfied as Theo opened his eyes and looked at Bilbo.

"What the heck just happened?" he mumbled.

"He's awake!" Came Dan's cry, so full of relief it was. The others crowded around him.

"A concussion, Mr Johnson," Mr Grey said grimly. "I've fixed you up. Now toddle off to the hospital wing to get you fixed."

Theo hauled himself to his feet, with the help of Flynn and Kyle. As soon as they let go, he flopped back onto the floor.

"Ow."

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**By the way, there's a lot of space in the broom cupboard, since it's unused :) I'll post the next chapter by tomorrow, and then the last chapter the dy after that (unless you want it quicker)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Stay with me guys! Stay with me!**

**Warning: Coarse language**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Two weeks had passed since "The Incident", as the Company called it. No longer were they shunned in the corridors, or insulted during classes. Students suddenly had a change of heart, and began shunning _Alan_ in the hallways. His list of friends grew thin, and only those who were completely loyal to him stayed.

All was well in the Company too—Lana and Bilbo finally made up, with him giving her the wrist corsage as a peace offering. She, of course, accepted it and they immediately struck up a conversation about Sherlock. Bailey had gotten his wish, and was awarded the Dux of 2013 at the school assembly. A tear dripped out of his eye as he accepted the award from a stony faced Thomas. Theo had recovered well from his concussion, but had trouble reading music notes. Thankfully, it only lasted for a few hours.

"That was a _very_ lucky coincidence that was," Bilbo commented as he walked with Mr Grey back to his dorm. The wizard had called him up to his office earlier, so they could have a chat about going back to Middle Earth. Mr Grey had decided it was going to happen today, despite Bilbo's pleas, and firmly made his decision. At the moment, they were talking about "The Incident", and how Mr Grey had managed to come open the window just in time.

"It's very uncanny how you always appear at the right time," They made their way up to the second Year 12 floor, where his dorm was situated. "How _do_ you do it?"

Abruptly, Mr Grey looked guilty. He shifted from side to side, as he avoided Bilbo's gaze.

"Well, about 'The Incident'…"

"Yes?"

"And that closed window…"

"Ahuh?"

"I closed it."

Bilbo choked on his saliva and started coughing violently. When he finished, he looked up at Mr Grey, his eyes as wide as saucers. "YOU DID WHAT!?"

"I was working in my office when I heard you thundering down the corridor. I immediately knew that it was you and the others, closely pursued by Alan. I was going to hide and not answer my door until you said I was at a meeting. Going onto the rooftop and escaping through the window on the 11th floor was something that Theo would do to escape his bullies, so when you all went out of sight, I raced down to the 11th floor and locked the window, hence—"

"Resulting in our almost-deaths," Bilbo crossed his arms, glaring at the wizard.

"…I was going to say 'the fight', which, to admit, _was_ quite dangerous, but it was the only way that you could confront Alan!"

"We could've been _killed!_"

"Don't worry, I was watching out of sight,"

"We _still_ could've been killed!"

"I would _never_ let that happen," They got out of the lift. "Besides, you lived. That's the point."

"But—"

"Which concludes the end of our chat," They had finally reached the dorm, the familiar number plate winking at him from the door. Bilbo could hear some faint music, possibly someone listening to the radio. But before the hobbit could place his hand on the doorknob, Mr Grey stopped him.

"Let me do it," He turned the knob, and then added, "By the way, Happy Birthday."

As soon as he opened the dorm door, Bilbo was hit by a wall of noise. It was the music he had heard earlier, except magnified now the door was open.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" The Company shouted from the inside. They were all wearing party hats, and were all holding coloured plastic cups. They had decorated the dorm with streamers and banners, and there was a table in the corner stocking plates of food and bottles of drinks.

"Did you plan this?" Bilbo turned to Mr Grey, who was chuckling.

"Yes, the meeting was a diversion. I had to distract you long enough for your friends to set this all up."

"So this was the 'party' you were all talking about two weeks ago," Bilbo chuckled. "Huh."

"C'mon," Theo, a sparkly pink party hat on his head, waved him in. "There's presents to open,"

"Presents!?" Bilbo shrieked. "I wasn't expecting _any_ presents, let alone a-a _party_ and you guys remembering my birthday! You guys are awesome," He tackle-hugged Theo and proceeded to do the same to everyone else.

"Now let's open those presents!" Kyle yelled. He was wearing a red party hat and a green one on his forehead, making him resemble a humanoid unicorn.

"Mind you don't get mess on the carpets," Mr Grey smiled, before turning away and muttering. "The cleaners would kill me."

"Okay," Bilbo stared at the pile of presents, trying to decide which one to open first. "I'll take this one," He picked up a present wrapped in bright yellow paper.

"Ah, that one's mine," Flynn nodded seriously.

One by one, Bilbo went through the presents. He received very good gifts, ranging from books to just plain money. Finally, he only had one more present to open, a parcel the size of a small box.

"That one's mine," Theo grinned. "I hope you like it."

Slowly, he unwrapped it, and received the shock of his life. The items cluttered to the floor as Bilbo began hyperventilating.

"Bill?" Theo asked, his eyes wide. "Is there something wrong with my present?"

Clearing his head, he leaned over to pick up the two objects. He read the title of the book again, making sure it wasn't a trick, and then inspected the DVD case to see that it was true.

_The Hobbit, _the book cover said. _By J.R.R. Tolkien_. The cover was a shot of him standing in his beloved hobbit-hole. The DVD case had something similar on the front of it, except he was surrounded by some of the other dwarves.

_Oh my God,_ Bilbo thought. _It can't be._

"Bill?" Theo prompted, looking extremely worried.

He gulped. _Act normal_. "It's fine," he said. "I like it,"

"Really?" Theo's eyes were shining. "I thought it might've been good to introduce you to my main fandom."

"Fandom?" A million thoughts were rushing through his head. "So…when you said 'Tolkienite' a few months earlier—"

"Yes, I was referring to the collective name for the fans of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit. Have you never heard of them before?"

"No," Bilbo breathed, trying to calm himself down. "Might as well start watching them, I guess."

"Right now, I think," Theo nodded, to Bilbo's horror. "Is there a TV somewhere, along with a copy of the first Lord of the Rings?"

"There is a TV, in one of the science labs on the first floor," Mr Grey said, again, avoiding Bilbo's eyes. "But you'll just have to make do with the DVD in Bill's hands."

"Okay," The dwarf shrugged. "Let's go watch it!"

"You guys go first," Bilbo said. "I just need to get something," He handed the DVD to Bailey as he walked out.

"Suit yourself!" Theo called over his shoulder.

As soon as they had all left, Bilbo angrily rounded on Mr Grey.

"Is this some kind of joke? A set-up!?"

"No it is not, Master Baggins!" Mr Grey thundered. "I had no knowledge of this until I heard the teacher staff gossiping about it! I do not dare to watch 'LOTR' as they call it, or even read it, in fear I might learn something about the future!"

"But…I don't get it!"

"I would stop complaining, Bilbo. This movie is actually the ticket back to Middle Earth! I was planning on using a different method to transport us all back, but this is much easier. I heard that this movie splits the book into three parts, so it should end at around the time we left Middle Earth."

"ARRGHHH!" Bilbo rushed out of the dorm as he made incomprehensible noises of frustration.

"Wait for me!" Mr Grey shouted as the wizard rushed out after him.

The others had already worked out how to operate the TV when they arrived, so they were waiting on the home screen of the DVD, casually flicking through the settings and the subtitles. All the blinds had been closed shut, and the lights off, making the screen seem larger and brighter.

"C'mon!" Theo patted a space next to him. "Come sit next to me!"

Bilbo took his seat, and prayed that it would be okay. Theo pressed the 'play' button and the movie started. Mr Grey took a seat next to him as the movie logos showed up. He whispered many things to the wizard, which Mr Grey mostly chose to ignore.

_Oh my god I'm old._

_Ah, my sword. I wonder if I've given it a name yet?_

_Who is Frodo? What's he doing in Bag End?_

_Wow, Erebor looks nice._

_So that's what Thrain and Thror looked like._

_Young Thorin looks the same as old Thorin._

_Oh look, it's Thomas Green. Is he actually Thranduil?_

_Crap! Thorin in the movie looks so much like Theo! How come he hasn't noticed the resemblance?_

This question, Mr Grey chose to answer. "I put a small glamour on the screen, so the Company do see that, but don't process that they actually look like them."

_Why can't we see the dragon?_

_It's an elk. Why is there an elk?_

_Wow, Thorin faced tons of hardships._

_The Shire! God, I miss it!_

_'An Unexpected Journey'. Sounds nice._

_Bloody hell, that's me. And that's you, Mr Grey! It's like looking into a mirror…_

_Ah, it's the dwarves…they ruined my bloody plumbing…_

_Hah, it's funny when they sing._

_Thorin's being inspiring blah blah blah. There's a reason why it's called, 'The Hobbit', you know._

_Lovely scenery. The filmmaker missed out on most of it, though._

_Bloody trolls. They missed out on the bit where Dori vomited into the bushes, though._

_Oh look, Radagast the Ridiculous wizard that smoked crack._

"He's actually a very great wizard, Bill."

_Elves. I rather liked Rivendell. _

_Ooohhh, Gandalf has a crush on Galadriel. And Saruman's a dick._

"I do _not_ like Lady Galadriel. The feeling is mutual. But yes, Saruman is a…annoying person."

_It was a privilege to witness that Thunder Battle, even though I was blinded and scared half the time. Weird how Thorin called Kili's name when it was Fili who was in grave danger._

_Ah, Bofur and I are having a heartfelt conversation. I almost cried._

_Do all goblins have hidden trapdoors built conveniently in caves just in case someone decides to sleep there?_

_Why is there such an emphasis on me finding that ring?_

_Oh my, that Goblin King is hideous. So is the song he sang._

_Gollum is extremely detailed. Looks as if I'm talking to the real thing, not some actor covered in polka-dots._

"Listen," Theo said. "I don't really know what you're whispering about, but could you just shut up for five minutes?"

_Everything is blurred when I put the ring on. Why is everything blurred?_

_Wow, Thorin said lots of bad stuff about me. No wonder he apologised so nicely._

_Look, Azog the Defiler. What, Dori and Ori fell? And I didn't even notice!?_

_I'm saving the day. Again._

_Damn eagles. Still, I got to enjoy the scenery._

_Funny. Bombur has not said a single word this entire movie. Oh look, there he goes now._

_Bloody hell, that eye_.

As soon as the last shot of Smaug's eye played, the screen went black. The Company started clapping and cheering. Bilbo then noticed something was wrong. Even though Theo was wholeheartedly cheering beside him, he saw that the noise was getting fainter, as if someone was turning down the volume knob on his ear. It soon faded to silence, and was replaced by a dull roaring. His vision slowly turned white, and it was as if he was in a white room, full of…oblivion. Not a sound was to be heard.

"Bilbo!?"

Darkness fell like a curtain onto his vision. Suddenly, every bone in his body ached, and his head throbbed.

"Master Baggins! Wake up!"

His vision slowly cleared, to see two blue eyes staring at him with concern.

Thorin. Not Theodore Johnson. _Thorin_.

He was back.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**Come onnnnnnn! One more to go!**


	20. Chapter 20

**COME ON COME ON COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNN BAABBBBYYYYYYY!**

**Warning: Coarse language, and scenes of weirdness xD**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Master Baggins, are you okay?" Thorin held out his hand, which Bilbo ignored as he struggled to sit up. He had forgotten what it was like to be called by his real name.

"I'm fine," Bilbo looked into his piercing stare. "What happened?"

"There was a huge storm," Kyle—no, _Kili,_ looked at him, concern in his eyes. "We all took shelter by the Carrock. It was really windy and stuff,"

"The storm went for a long time," Flynn—_Fili, dammit_, added. "When it ended, we went out to search for you. We just found you here, unconscious."

"I revived you," Gandalf said, leaning on his staff. "You have a small cut on the back of your head where a rock might've struck you, but other than that, you're fine."

"By the way, we're sorry about the braids," Kili mumbled. "We didn't think you'd be _that_ angry,"

"Right," Bilbo tried to get unsteadily onto his feet. The Company looked on as he grabbed a nearby tree for support.

"It…would be great if one of you could help me back," he said.

It didn't take long for the Company to travel back to their camp under the Carrock, with Bilbo leaning on Bofur as they did.

"So what did you do?" Bilbo asked him as they walked. "During the storm, I mean."

"Talked, I guessed," Bofur shrugged. "I cracked a few dirty jokes, until Thorin banned me from saying any more."

"So typical of you, Blake," Bilbo shook his head.

"Blake?" Confusion covered the dwarf's features. "I'm _Bofur_, remember?"

"Yep, sorry," Bilbo corrected himself. "That blow must've…done something with my head."

"Right."

Adjusting back to his life in Middle Earth was…hard. Very hard, as he had adjusted to life on Earth, and found it much easier than life on Middle Earth. On many occasions, he had confused and baffled the Company (calling them by their Earth names was hard to pick up, but it was also a hard habit to break), which lead to awkward explanations and Gandalf rushing in just in time to save the day.

One day, he was humming to himself the chorus for "Gangnam Style", when Fili and Kili caught him doing so.

"What's that song you're humming, Bilbo?" Kili had asked, startling the hobbit into shutting up. "Sounds catchy,"

"Is it one of those special hobbit songs or something?" Fili peered at him curiously.

Bilbo decided to have a little fun. Because who wouldn't miss out on an opportunity to prank the biggest pranksters in the Company, and cheat them at their own game?

"Yes," Bilbo said. "It is a song in the Shire that is often played at festivals and dances. Tis a dance of…friendship."

"So it has a dance too?" Kili's eyes twinkled. "How long does it take to learn it?"

"Not very long," Bilbo wanted to collapse from laughter, but managed to keep a straight face as he talked. "We could learn the words right now, if you want."

"Can we let you in on a secret?" Fili leaned closer to Bilbo and whispered. "Thorin _loves_ dancing. The point is, we've never seen him do it unless everyone else is."

"So, if you teach us this dance, could we teach it to the others too? So that we can trick Thorin into dancing for us?" Kili asked.

This chance was too golden to skip by it, so he agreed. "Okay, so here are the words…"

That night, they did it.

Bilbo had managed to successfully teach Fili and Kili the dance moves and even the _words_ (Bilbo had told the brothers that it was a secret hobbit language) and they had taught it to the other members of the Company. Even the older dwarves, like Balin and Oin, had learnt it. When Bofur signalled the secret signal, Kili stood up.

"Who wants to dance?"

Naturally, as part of the plan, the Company cheered loudly.

"Means you too, Uncle!" Fili stood up and pointed at Thorin, who grunted and retreated further into the shadows.

"What dance do you speak of?"

"It's a _special_ dance," Kili said. "Only the _true_ friends of hobbits would know how to sing and dance to this song."

Gandalf, who was sitting in the shadows, raised a curious eyebrow at Bilbo. The hobbit shrugged.

With a nod of Fili's head, Bofur picked up his flute and began playing the beginning of "Gangnam Style".

_He actually learnt the piece,_ Bilbo thought in wonder as Bofur played. Fili and Kili began dancing, shouting out the Korean words to the song as they did. One by one, the dwarves got up and started dancing alongside them, until Thorin was left.

"C'mon Uncle, we're nearing the chorus," Fili shouted as danced. "Why don't you come up?"

"Or are you too scared?" Kili goaded.

Instantly, Thorin snapped. "The Line of Durin are _not_ cowards!" With a shake, he joined in the fray.

"What am I meant to do!?" he shouted.

"Just follow us!" Bilbo shouted. This was the funniest thing he had ever experienced. "The chorus and the dance moves are easy to pick up!"

"OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!" The dwarves shouted, and they began "riding the horse". Thorin, bewildered, began copying them. It was so comical to see him do this, let alone all the dwarves doing it. Even Balin was enjoying himself.

"EHHHHHHHH SEXY LADY!" Kili yelled as he slid his foot on the rocky surface.

Needless to say, it was an eventful night.

Bilbo had to admit, the "club crawl" that Theo/Thorin had set up when he was on earth had done him some good. He did learn a lot about the dwarves during that month.

The first dwarf he'd decided to interrogate was Fili. He was practising his throwing knives on a tree trunk when Bilbo found him. In an unusual change of events, Kili was nowhere to be found, as the brothers were closer than conjoined twins.

"So, Fili," Bilbo sat down on the ground. "What are your interests?"

"Weaponry, basically," Fili said, taking aim at the tree again. "I tend to specialise in many weapons."

"Any…ummm…let me see…art?"

Fili threw his knife, sending it sailing into the bushes and past the tree trunk.

"Art?" he said, going into the foliage to retrieve his knife. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, I thought you liked drawing,"

The blonde rounded on him, his nose just centimetres from Bilbo's face. "Who told you that? Ori?"

"I guessed," he shrugged. "Don't blame it on Ori. But why is it such a secret?"

Fili sighed. "It related with elves. And you know Thorin's uneasy history with elves. He _just_ tolerates Kili using his bow—he doesn't need another elvish nephew."

"But you won't be yourself if you won't let your true qualities shine through," Bilbo argued. "He'll have to accept it sooner or later."

Fili just stalked off, muttering about how he would tell them after this was all over.

But probably the funniest thing Bilbo found out was that Thorin loved to cook. And that he was rather good at it too. Theo would bake sweet goodies almost every Sunday, and share them with the Company.

Now it was time to ask him.

"So, have ever cooked for the Company during this journey?" Bilbo asked casually, leaning against a rock. It was a rule that every member of the Company would cook dinner at least one night throughout the Quest.

"No, Master Baggins," Thorin replied. "I let Bombur take my cooking shift, as he is a much better cook than me. Plus, Kings do not cook or bake."

"Fili and Kili cook," Bilbo pointed out. "However horrible it may be."

"They aren't Kings. They're _Princes_."

"How about just try it tonight?" Bilbo encouraged. "Pretend whoever's on shift is cooking instead, so you don't have to be embarrassed. Who _is_ cooking tonight, anyway?"

"Dori. He's okay-ish, but does have his bad moments."

"That's good. So then if you _do_ stuff up, they'll blame it on Dori."

That night, Thorin decided to cook some stew. Fili and Kili had gone out and hunted for some rabbits, and Bilbo set out to find some herbs. Dori was rather willing to give up his shift, but was unwilling about _pretending_ to be on the shift. Some persuasion and a bit of bribery were involved to get the plan underway.

Thorin secretly served Bilbo first, to see if it was good. "Is it okay?" He asked anxiously as Bilbo took a sip. And he was right.

"It's good," Bilbo said, taking a larger portion. "You could even rival Bombur!"

Thorin grinned, and gave the spoon to Dori so that he could serve the others. He got plenty of good reviews from the other dwarves, who were saying this stew was very much unlike Dori's cooking (especially Nori and Ori, who had to put up with it for countless years) so later that night, Thorin confessed that he made the stew. This received a round of applause from them.

"So how are you adjusting back to life in here?" Gandalf asked, as he smoked.

"Okay-ish, I guess," Bilbo replied. "It is a bit hard, knowing that there aren't any laptops, or fridges or whatever. Do they even know what electricity is?"

"No, dear fellow. However, I must say, you have been using your knowledge from Earth efficiently in here. Why, the other day, Fili showed me this marvellous drawing he'd drawn in the sand, while Thorin stood proudly over it as if he'd drawn it himself. Was that your influence?"

"Yep," the hobbit nodded. "I told him to tell Thorin about it."

"Very good," Gandalf mused. "Very good,"

"So are we done?" Bilbo asked. Before Gandalf could reply, Thorin burst into the clearing, followed by a breathless Dwalin and Nori.

"It's Azog," he panted. "I saw him through the trees—he's caught our scent."

Gandalf stood up, quickly extinguishing the pipe. "It's what I feared—let's get out of here."

Immediately, the dwarves rushed about and began packing up their equipment, careful not to leave traces of evidence Azog and the orcs could follow.

"Well, Bilbo Baggins," Gandalf said, a twinkle in his eyes. "Looks like we are on the second part of our adventure."

_Fin_.

* * *

**Comments? Criticism? Both are welcome!**

**Thank you to all the readers who have stayed with me throughout Bilbo's journey to the alternate universe of Earth! Huge thanks to wrmauney, BrazilianLOTRFan, OneCutePug, TheTwinStorytellers, Bonnygirl10, Nessiah, TheCISL23, Pergjithshme, NJ7009 (who I never really thanked properly for beta-reading my last fic, and who's always been nice xD), Hobbsy3, Courier666, and .7 for reviewing! Special thanks to TheHobbitFanatic, Crabluva, HANNGS and all the unnamed guest reviews for reviewing, even though you guys didn't have an account on . **

**Thanks to all the follows and favourites as well! You guys kept this story going, and I've enjoyed chatting with some of you o I shall be posting my new story later today, so see you all then! *waves goodbye***


End file.
